Saviour King - Worship Friday

It felt Love

lyrics below

For the last few days I have been sharing some of what God has done for me in my life and where I have come from.

How does an ashamed, rejected, fearful, starved for love, child...........

become a free, confident, unashamed woman?

God's Love

He took an abandoned, desperate soul and shined His Amazing Love, gently and patiently, on me until............

like the rose, in the poem, I opened up and came alive to all I could be.

Today I want to give thanks to my Aaba Father for loving me and enabling me to open up who I am to the world.

He is worthy. I owe everything to Him.

How did the rose
Ever open its heart
And give to this world
All its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light
Against its being,
Otherwise,
We all remain
Too frightened

by the Poet Hafiz



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You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

chorus:
Of a child-like faith
And of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
And of my unashamed love

Roots of Shame *may trigger*

I found this video and I love the heart of the man who wrote it. What He shares in the beginning of the video is so true.

Those of us who have suffered abuse by people who were supposed to care for us usually feel like..........

"It is our fault"

We feel shame about "who we are" because of what happened to us. Other kids had a Dad that came to their concerts. What is wrong with me?

I guess it is my fault. I am not good enough or He would be here.

I waited by the window and my Dad did not come home. I must not be special or you would come home and want to spend time with me. My friend's Dad came to the parade and cheered them on. Something must be wrong with ME. I am at the parade by myself.


As posted yesterday.....I used to be ashamed of "ME".


I was neglected as I grew up in a home with alcoholism. My Dad drank, My Mom worked alot. I felt that it was my fault I was neglected. My roots were planted deep in the soil of shame.


The devotional below explains how God began to transplant me into His soil of Love. He began to show me that I had worth and value. He began to show me that my Dad was wounded.

He drank to cover HIS SHAME.

He was incapable of loving me because He felt rejected by His own parents. The cycle of shame is passed from one generation to another. My Grandfather was also an alcoholic.

God is Love and wanted me to know His Love. It was hard because I really thought if I kept trying to earn my Dad's approval and love that then it would erase the shame messages. I would feel valuable if He would just be able to Love ME.

I tried for almost thirty years. Every time I would set myself up and I would be disappointed again and again.

The pain was excruciating.


But I kept trying. I was desperate to feel special.


I finally allowed God to show me that My Dad couldn't love me the way I needed to be loved. I finally began to let it go.......

The final straw was when I asked my Dad to attend my Masters Degree Graduation Ceremony eight months before the date.

He said,"I might have to work."

It was like a knife of rejection was being thrust through my heart at that moment.

That was it..... It was not pretty either. No one said detaching would be pretty. I let Him have it. It all came out. All the years of pain, anger, disappointment. There were many tears cried that night.

We did not talk to eachother for a year after that.

But I let go.......

I finally realized what was important to me was not important to Him.

The difference this time was that I "knew" that God loved me and that I was free from the shame. I was loved even if my Dad could not love me and make me feel special.


I began to trust that God could write love on my wounded heart. It took alot to trust that this could happen. Then one day by God's grace I took the leap of faith........


I finally believed I was lovable.


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I pray that you, being rooted and established in love
may have power . . .to grasp . . . the love of Christ.Ephesians 3:17


We all have root systems. Roots are life-lines. They seek out and drink in water and nutrients. And they provide stability in times of wind and erosion.

Unfortunately, many of us are rooted in the soil of shame.

Roots in this rocky soil become bound.

They cannot sustain growth. They are not able to provide nourishment or stability.

Recovery for many of us is like being transplanted. It is the process of allowing God to first pull us out of the parched and rocky soil of shame and to then plant us in the soil of love.

In the rich soil of love our fragile roots can finally begin to stretch, grow and take hold.

It is a soil in which real nourishment and real stability are possible.

But transplantation is not a simple matter. No matter how gently God pulls us up out of the soil of shame, there will be trauma. And sinking roots in new soil will feel like an unfamiliar and risky adventure.

As our roots sink deeper and deeper in the soil of God's love, however, we will begin to experience growth that never could have been possible in the soil of rejection and shame.

We will become 'rooted and established' in love.



My roots are in poor soil, Lord.
They do not nourish.
They provide no stability.
My roots are bound, Lord.

Transplant me.

Give me grace-full soil, Lord.
Sink my roots deeply.
Give me stability.
Nourish me.
In your love.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan