Finally Free

Fill me Up, God

2012-01-27T11:39:00.001-05:00

The last six weeks have been a very trying time. I have been emptied emotionally, physically, and spiritually due to my health issues. I am in desperate need! For God to Fill me up!

I am learning that "it is not about me". It is all about Him! He is God, I am nothing. This is my heart's cry.........

You provide the fire
I'll provide the sacrifice

You provide the Spirit
I will open inside

Fill Me Up, God
Fill Me Up, God

Forever Reign - Thursday Worship

2012-01-26T08:30:00.002-05:00

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

Heaven-Monday Worship

2012-01-23T07:50:00.000-05:00

I finally found a life worth living for
It's not mine....it's Yours

And I want to tell the world of all Your love
Heaven come down
Heaven come down
Heaven come down

Would You come down?

Heaven come down
Heaven come down

Heaven fall down on me
Bring your peace, your Joy!
Let it rain. Let it pour!

You said if we would ask
That You would surely come....so come.

I'm not just looking for another touch.; I'm looking for the Real Jesus!!!!!

Lord, I Want You - Saturday Worship

2012-01-21T07:04:00.000-05:00

To you Lord, I'll be true
Through it all, I love you

In the blindness that comes
through the bitterness of soul

You are teaching me to see with my heart
In the weakness that comes
When you touch me with Your hand
Forever I'll be leaning on you

Oh Lord.....I want you
Lord.......I want you
Lord......I want you
Lord.....I want you

Pursuit

2012-01-20T07:13:00.002-05:00

As I heard this song and read this post about Jesus, God is calling me deeper. This year is about going deeper into Jesus. To KNOW Him intimately. I want to be in His presence. It is all I want. I am not sure why I suffered physically over the last year, but I know it has increased my hunger to know God more. The song below verbalized how I feel......

Blessings,
Tammy

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Strip everything away
'Til all I have is You
Undo the veils
So all I see is You

I will pursue You
I will pursue Your presence
I will pursue You
I will pursue Your presence

Open my eyes
Search me inside
I can't live without Your presence
I can't live without Your presence

I'm pressing into You
So do not pass me by
I'm breaking through the boundaries
I will not be denied

I can't live without Your presence
I can't live without Your presence

I will pursue
I will pursue
I will pursue
I will pursue You
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Jesus came to reveal God to us. He is the defining word on God—on what the heart of God is truly like, on what God is up to in the world, and on what God is up to in your life. An intimate encounter with Jesus is the most transforming experience of human existence. To know him as he is, is to come home. To have his life, joy, love, and presence cannot be compared. A true knowledge of Jesus is our greatest need and our greatest happiness. To be mistaken about him is the saddest mistake of all.

The records of Christ are written so you can experience him as they did, this intimate connection with the Father and the Son. John says that you can enjoy the same friendship with Jesus that he knew. For this Jesus came.

So, if you do not know Jesus as a person, know his remarkable personality—playful, cunning, fierce, impatient with all that is religious, kind, creative, irreverent, funny—you have been cheated.

If you do not experience Jesus intimately, daily, in these very ways, if you do not know the comfort of his actual presence, do not hear his voice speaking to you personally—you have been robbed.

If you do not know the power of his indwelling life in you, shaping your personality, healing your brokenness, enabling you to live as he did—you have been plundered.
This is why we pray,

Jesus, show me who you really are. I pray for the true you. I want the real you. I ask you for you. Spirit of God, free me in every way to know Jesus as he really is. Open my eyes to see him. Deliver me from everything false about Jesus and bring me what is true.

(Beautiful Outlaw, 21-23) by John Eldridge

Thursday Worship- Daughters of Jerusalem

2012-01-19T08:10:00.000-05:00

I Need You More - Wednesday Worship

2012-01-18T08:58:00.002-05:00

I need You more
More than yesterday
I need You Lord
More than words can say I need You more
Than ever before
I need You Lord
I need You Lord

More than the air I breathe
More than the song I sing
More than the next heartbeat
More than anything
And Lord as time goes by
I'll be by Your side
Cause I never want to go back to my old life

I need You more...

We give you the Highest Praise!
We give you the Highest Praise!
A We give you the Highest Praise!

More than the air I breathe
More than the songs I sing
More than anything, I need you more.

A New's Years Transformation

2012-01-14T10:29:00.003-05:00

I found this video and just loved the message. I am making this my New Year's transformation prayer....

It's the New Year.... and He is making all things new

This year may we see God in the big picture and the details
This year may we love better and live bigger

This year may we be transformed by the power of God
A transformation from our strength to His
from broken to beautiful
from Death to Life
A transformation that starts in us and then seeps into the world

A world He loves very much

This year may we be wide open to the transforming hand of the Father

It won't be quick
It won't be easy

But there is really good news

You are becoming something that is extraordinarily......BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Blessing,
Tammy

The Still Small Voice of Love

2012-01-14T09:07:00.002-05:00

The Still, Small Voice of Love- By Henri Nouwen

Many voices ask for our attention. There is a voice that says, "Prove that you are a good person." Another voice says, "You'd better be ashamed of yourself." There also is a voice that says, "Nobody really cares about you," and one that says, "Be sure to become successful, popular, and powerful."

But underneath all these often very noisy voices is a still, small voice that says,

"You are my Beloved, my favor rests on you."

the voice we need most of all to hear. To hear that voice, however, requires special effort; it requires solitude, silence, and a strong determination to listen.

That's what prayer is. It is listening to the voice that calls us "my Beloved."

COME AS CLOSE AS YOU WANT

Holy God take my heart Purge with flame and truth
A holy heart is all I want That I may live with You
Holy God, take my heart Purge with flame and truth
A humble heart is all I want That I may live with You

Come as close as You want
Consume this heart that longs to burn
I know your fire can hurt
But I would be worse here without you

For I was made to dwell with You And how I ache until I do

Come and take all these chains
That get in the way of what You want
And as I stand in the flame
Still I will say I trust you God!

POUR MY LOVE ON YOU

Like oil upon your feet Like wine for you to drink
Life water from my heart I pour my love on you
With praises like the perfume I lavish mine on you
Till every drop is gone I pour my love on you
I don't know how to say exactly how I feel
And I can't begin to tell you what your love has meant
I'm lost for words
Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are
You're my dearest friend

IHOPU 2011Onething Young Adult Conference
Kansas City, Mo. Dec. 28
Ca

Love Broke Through

2012-01-09T09:34:00.008-05:00

For many years after meeting Jesus, It was all about me. I needed healing. I had been wounded growing up with rejection tattooed on my heart. John Eldridge says in his book Waking the Dead that our heart is the true "us". It is who we really are. My heart had been so wounded I had nothing to give. I gave, but the Lord showed me it was like I was giving out of my emptiness and in my own strength. He gave me this picture that helped me understand. It was like I was giving to people, but with long arms that came out from behind a room that no one could come inside. I was hiding my heart, my true self. I was ashamed of who I was. Some call it your pseudo or we can just call it a mask. I was pretending. I was not living in truth. I believed if I showed anyone who I really was then they would reject me like my earthly father did and then many others after him. I could not risk experiencing that pain again. So I hid my true self.

Fast forward to the meeting that changed my life. Through a series of circumstances, that now I look back on that were totally ordained by God, I met a man who showed me "true love". He showed me Jesus' love.

I think it is amazing that I was going to church for so long and never experienced the Love of the Father. Part of this was that I don't think I was ready to let down the walls in the fort Knox I had built around my heart yet. The Bible says, that Jesus stands at the door and knocks. He is so patient and kind. He doesn't push his way into our heart. He waits to be invited in.

When I met Dr. T. I was in so much pain. God was using a church situation and an in- law situation to show me that I did not know His love and did not have good boundaries in my life. Basically I was codependent on others approval to feel good about my self. Well, people were not cooperating with My Plan. They were rejecting me, which was touching the pain in my heart a little too close.

Then I met Dr. T. and he showed me love over a period of seven years. One of the ways he showed me love was spending time with me "just listening". I don't know how it happened exactly, but God,through Dr. T. broke through to my heart. Slowly, I began to I share my heart a little at a time and started to let him see who I really was.

He felt safe. He accepted me. A scared, little girl who was too afraid to tell others "no" for fear of rejection. I literally could not say the word, "no". The one thing I remember about Dr. T is his eyes. He had eyes of Love. When I was with him I felt like I could do anything, be anything. He made me feel special, loved. I did not have to "do" anything. He just loved and accepted me for "who I was". He believed in me. I think He loved me more than I loved myself. I believe God's Spirit lived so strong in Him that it was God's love touching me through him.

It did because God's love broke through to the scared little girl and she slowly began to believe she was valuable and lovable. She began to let go of the lie she believed that she deserved all the rejection she had received by her father. Then she was able to give all the shame and rejection back to Satan, the father of lies, where it came from.

I will never be able to thank God enough or Dr. T. enough for loving the rejection and shame out of me. I want to lovingly pay it forward to the one's God puts in my life. Even then, I don't think I could ever pay the debt I owe to Jesus for setting me free and loving me.

Blessings,
Tammy

Spiritual Choices

2012-01-07T08:57:00.005-05:00

I am still struggling with this lung infection. I can feel my body healing, but it has been a month of having bronchitis and I am weary. I like the devotional below because it confronts me with how will I handle this. I can choose acceptance or bitterness toward God about the weak body I have. The choice is mine. What attitude will I choose. I am grateful for so many things in my life. I am praying that God will give me strength to walk the road I am on.

Blessings,
Tammy

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Spiritual Choices by Henri Nouwen

Choices. Choices make the difference.

Two people are in the same accident and severely wounded. They did not choose to be in the accident. It happened to them. But one of them chose to live the experience in bitterness, the other in gratitude.

These choices radically influenced their lives and the lives of their families and friends. We have very little control over what happens in our lives, but we have a lot of control over how we integrate and remember what happens.

It is precisely these spiritual choices that determine whether we live our lives with dignity.

What is True Success???

2012-01-04T08:54:00.004-05:00

As I reflect over the last year, I would have to say the word that comes to my heart about my journey is "vulnerable" and "weak". The Bible describes our state as humans as poor, needy, and naked. If I am honest, I would not have wanted to describe myself this way in the past. I wanted to be described as strong, capable, and successful. I am learning that the first statement is more true of my condition. In God's kingdom, I am learning that everything works backwards and upside down. In His kingdom the way up is down.

The last year is possibly the weakest physically I have been in my whole life. God is giving me a revelation of my fragility and His strength. His power is made perfect in my weakness has been tattooed on my heart. I am a person who learns through experience. My Papa God knows that so he has allowed me lovingly to walk through a season of suffering He wanted me to learn where I draw strength from. I have seen Him give me strength to attend worship services when in the physical realm it was not possible. He has broken me down so that more of Him can reside in me. I want more of Him. More of His Love, more of His power, and more of His Strength. He has limitless resources. He is infinite and I am finite.

I can't believe I can say this, but last year was a good year. I can't wait to see the amazing things He is going to do this year.....

Here I am, Lord. Your servant is willing.

Blessings,
Tammy

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Fruits that grow in vulnerability by Henri Nouwen

There is a great difference between successfulness and fruitfulness. Success comes from strength, control, and respectability. A successful person has the energy to create something, to keep control over its development, and to make it available in large quantities. Success brings many rewards and often fame.

Fruits, however, come from weakness and vulnerability.

And fruits are unique. A child is the fruit conceived in vulnerability, community is the fruit born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another's wounds.

Let's remind one another that what brings us true joy is not successfulness but fruitfulness.

Our Hope Endures

2011-12-31T07:13:00.003-05:00

This song is dedicated to anyone who has been going through a season of suffering. Since the beginning of December I have had a lung infection. I usually am struggling with my health, but when I get an infection I can barely function.

The good news of this song and what has happened to me is that I am learning to totally depend on My Father God and the Holy Spirit through the sufferings. I could not get the infection to come out and was scared it would turn into pneumonia, so I worshipped. Everytime I would worship and feel God's Spirit I would cough and the infection started coming out. These coughing fits were exhausting, but God was healing me.

The other praise report I have is that my in-laws came for Christmas. I was so weak I had to depend on the Holy Spirit to make it through the visit. We have a history of severe strife and I was nervous that strife would rise it's ugly head once again and ruin the visit.

God is so good. As I prayed and worshipped, His Holy Spirit descended on my home. His Spirit touched everyone's heart. My Mother-n-law said it was the best Christmas she had experienced anywhere with anyone. Yaay!! God!! I literally felt the Holy Spirit hovering over all of us. I am so thankful to Him.

Blessings,
Tammy

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You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is torn
With illness but she marches on
Oh, 'cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

I Heard The Bells on Christmas Day

2011-12-25T07:13:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas to all my bloggy friends.....

Blessings,
Tammy

Love Came for Me- Christmas Worship

2011-12-22T18:26:00.001-05:00

Love Came for Me
Words & music by Shannon J. Wexelberg

If You had not come
Tender baby King
And humbly left Your throne
To reach someone like me
If You had not walked
Upon this broken ground
Where on earth would I be now?
If You had not come
If You had not come
To seek the sick and lame
To set the captive free
To break the prisoners chains
I’d still be in the dark
Grappling for the door
Longing for some way, somehow (but…)

Love came for me
Love rescued me
Love called my name
Love took my place
Sweet Lamb of God
I’m bowing down
My eyes have seen
I’m finally free
Love came for me
If You had not come
Willing, spotless Lamb
My sin would be too much
For You to take me as I am
But, oh, the blood of Christ
That washes over me
Flowing from Your hands and feet
Don’t have to worry where I’d be
Love came for me
Love rescued me
Love called my name
Love took my place
Sweet Lamb of God
I’m bowing down
My eyes have seen
I’m finally free
Love came for me
This manger King
My everything
Love came for me

©/2010 Shanny Banny Music / BMI

Only A Shadow

2011-12-17T05:28:00.006-05:00

This lyrics of this song put things into perspective.....

My health has been doing better, but if I do too much, I get sick very easy. I love to dance before the Lord in worship and sometimes my Spirit forgets that my body is still weak and then I pay. The craziest thing is that even though I get sick, I would do it anyway. There is nothing on earth that compares to dancing and rejoicing in the presence of the King! Thank you Lord that you are my strength. Thank you that my Spirit will be free one day and not have to hold back my worship. When we reach eternity's shores there will be no more pain or tears. Halelujah!!!

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You will be my strength
You will be my song
You will be my light
All the whole night long

Worthy is the lamb

Blessed is the Lord who created you, He who formed you in your mother's womb. I have called you by your name, and you are Mine. you are Mine. / when you pass through the waters, I will be with you; through the rivers, they will not overflow you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. you are Mine. / I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel. You are precious in my sight. Fear not, I am with you. You are Mine.

You will be my strength...

I want to be your witness, O God, to the end (to the end).

I know where I came from; I know where I am going.My Father, He is God, and my Maker, He is my Husband. eternity is my home. / His name is written on my forehead and my name is written on the palm of His hand. He is mine, and I am His. He is mine, and I am His. / So take my body if you please, and try, try and take all of me. but my soul He keeps. My soul He keeps. / Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, the Lord, He is my Shepherd. He is my Shepherd. / I am my Beloved's and He is mine. Rightly do I love Him, though I walk through the valley of the shadow.

You will be my strength.... (x2)

Worthy is the Lamb!

Though I walk through the valley, it's only a shadow, it's only a shadow!
Though my body may perish, it's only a shadow, it's only a shadow!
Though I walk through the valley, it's only a shadow, it's only a shadow!
Though my body may perish, it's only a shadow, it's only a shadow!

It's only a shadow! (repeats)

Rose of Bethlehem-Christmas Worship

2011-12-16T07:04:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas to all my bloggy friends.....

There's a Rose in Bethlehem
With a beauty quite divine
Perfect in this world of sin
On this silent holy night

There's a fragrance much like hope
That it sends upon the wind
Reaching out to every soul
From a lowly manger's crib

Oh, Rose of Bethlehem
How lovely, pure, and sweet
Born to glorify the Father
Born to wear the thorns for me

There's a Rose in Bethlehem
Colored red like mercy's blood
Tis the flower of our faith
Tis the blossom of God's love

Though it's bloom is fresh with youth
Surely what will be He knows
For a tear of morning dew
Is rolling down the Rose

Oh, Rose of Bethlehem
How lovely, pure, and sweet
Born to glorify the Father
Born to wear the thorns for me

There's a Rose in Bethlehem
With a beauty quite divine
Perfect in this world of sin
On this silent holy night

Oh, Rose of Bethlehem
How lovely, pure, and sweet
Born to glorify the Father
Born to wear the thorns for me

Barriers to Freedom

2011-12-11T05:05:00.002-05:00

As I read this devotional by Tozer, I was struck by how deep this idol runs in my life. I know this to be true because of the agony I still suffer in my mind when I am rejected. Just when I think this idol has been put to rest, the Lord shows me it is still alive and kicking. It wants to be served. I only want to serve Jesus with my life, not man. Please Lord help this idol be put to death in my life for good.

Blessings,
Tammy

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Trials and Pain: The Labor of Self-love by A. W. Tozer

For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ --Galatians 1:10

The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think for yourself
whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking
slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to
which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer
affront to your idol.

How then can you hope to have inward peace?

The heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest.

Continue this fight through the years and the burden will become intolerable. Yet the sons of earth are carrying this burden continually, challenging every word spoken against them, cringing under every criticism, smarting under each fancied slight, tossing sleepless if another is preferred before them.

Such a burden as this is not necessary to bear. Jesus calls us to His rest, and meekness is His method. The meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort. The Pursuit of God, 112.

"Lord, give me this peace, this rest, this meek and humble spirit this morning. Deliver me from concern for the esteem of this world. Give mevictory today over every trace of self-love. Amen."

How Lovely You Are

2011-12-03T09:45:00.005-05:00

How Lovely You are- Lyrics

Your Love goes beyond understanding
Your Love is all consuming
Reaching the deepest places in my heart
Reaching the deepest places in my heart
I'm in the place that I can't say much

Oh God I am at a loss for words
All I can say is how lovely you are
How lovely you are....
Your Love is neverending

Reaching the deepest places in my heart
Reaching the deepest places in my heart
I'm in the place where I can't say much
Oh God I'm lost for words

All I can say How Lovely You Are

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As I read the following post by Stasi Eldridge, God began showing me that this is happening to me. For years, I ran after beauty. If I could find the perfect hairstyle, make-up, outfit, or be a certain size......then I would be beautiful.

I was striving, running, after a beautiful illusion.

As Stasi Eldridge points out, the truth in God's Kingdom is a woman's beauty comes from the inside out.

A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy or enough. She knows in her quiet centre where God dwells that He finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy and in Him, she is enough. In fact, the only thing getting in the way of our being fully captivating and enjoyed is our hiding and striving.

I love this part....A woman of beauty knows in her quiet centre, where God dwells, that He finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy, and in Him, she is enough.

Wow! That is a powerful, life changing, statement. In Him is she is enough. Oh, God, I pray that you would bring this forth in me in the fullest sense.... deep, deep in my Spirit.

God has a funny sense of humor. When I go to church on Sunday morning, I fix myself all up, and by the time I am finished praying and worshipping in the rehearsal, I don't have a stitch of make-up on. My hair which started straight is now curly. He keeps speaking that He sees me beautiful both ways. Then His Spirit leads me to go and greet and welcome people to my church.

I think He is up to something......

What I find amazing is how deep the lies of the enemy go in my soul. That this world has lied to me and us women. He has contaminated the beauty God has given us. We believe the lies that our beauty is only composed of our appearance and sex appeal. It is reinforced by media and on T.V. I see so many women who have bought into this lie....myself included. I pray that God could use me in this generation to help us women get free from the bondage we have to perfectionism about our appearance.

Stasi Eldridge says it so well..

So Jesus says, "I will quiet you with My love" (Zephaniah 3:17). A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest; trusting God because she has come to know Him to be worthy of her trust. She exudes a sense of calm; a sense of rest; and invites those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort; that all is well; that all will be well. A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and the room to become.

In her presence, one can release the tight sigh that so often grips our hearts, and breathe in the truth that God loves us and he is good.

I pray that God would help me to become this woman....

Blessings,
Tammy

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The Essence of a Woman By Stasi Eldridge

When we speak about the essence of a woman - her beauty - we don't mean "the perfect figure." The beauty of a woman is first a soulish beauty. We know - it's a harder jump to make. We've lived so long under the pressure to be beautiful. But stay with the thought for a moment, because it will really help. The beauty of a woman is first a soulful beauty. And yes, as we live it out, own it, inhabit our beauty, we do become more lovely. More alluring. As the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins wrote, "Self flashes off frame and face."

Our true self becomes reflected in our appearance. But it flows from the inside out.

The essence of a woman is Beauty. She is meant to be the incarnation - our experience in human form - of a Captivating God. A God who invites us.

"You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have stolen my heart
with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
You are a garden fountain,
a well of flowing water
streaming down from Lebanon." (Songs 4:9, 15)

Beauty is what the world longs to experience from a woman. We know that - somewhere down deep, we know it to be true. Most of our shame comes from this knowing and feeling that we have failed here. So hear this: Beauty is an essence that dwells in every woman. It was given to her by God. It was given to you.

Surely you would agree that God is nothing if not beautiful.

All around us God's creation shouts of his beauty and his goodness. The way snow creates a silhouette of lace on a barren tree, the rays of sun streaming forth from a billowing cloud, the sound of a brook trickling over smooth stones, the form of a woman's body and the face of a child anticipating the arrival of the ice cream truck all speak of God's good heart if we will have but the eyes to see. The coming of spring after a hard winter is almost too glorious for a soul to bear.

God's beauty is lavished on the world.

Beauty may be the most powerful thing on earth. Beauty speaks. Beauty invites. Beauty nourishes. Beauty comforts. Beauty inspires. Beauty is transcendent. Beauty draws us to God.

A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy or enough. She knows in her quiet centre where God dwells that He finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy and in him, she is enough. In fact, the only thing getting in the way of our being fully captivating and enjoyed is our hiding and striving.

So Jesus says, "I will quiet you with My love" (Zephaniah 3:17). A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest; trusting God because she has come to know Him to be worthy of her trust. She exudes a sense of calm; a sense of rest; and invites those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort; that all is well; that all will be well. A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and the room to become. In her presence, one can release the tight sigh that so often grips our hearts, and breathe in the truth that God loves us and He is good.

This is why we must keep asking. Ask Jesus to show you your beauty. Ask him what he thinks of you as a woman. His words to us let us rest. And unveil our beauty.

(Captivating , 130-132)

The Anthem

2011-11-30T08:20:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I bought the new awakening CD from Jesus culture and was listening to my IPOD as I walked toward the gym. As I was walking I had to stop and grab on to a tree when this song went into the chorus. The Spirit came upon me so strong I had to grab the tree.

Over the last few years God has been illuminating Isaiah 60 to me in my Spirit. When I heard this song something in my Spirit started jumping....yes!yes!yes! Someone else is hearing it, too. God is awakening this generation. Our Generation has been hurt deeply, we have been rejected and ignored by our parents, raped by others, lied to by people we trusted, used, and abused. God is calling this generation to destiny. He is setting us free to serve our King! He loves us. He thinks we are royalty. He doesn't see what we see.

Lately, God has been showing me this concept. I am royalty. A daughter of the King. I am clothed in white. He sees me white. He sees me beautiful, walking in His Glory. Sent out to rescue the dying, broken, and the ones who feel so dirty they are hiding from God, others, and even themselves. His love can break through the darkness. He can heal all the shame that you carry. He knows what was done to you and what you have done. He has furious love for you. He will not stop pursuing you.

His Love has overtaken me. Many will come against me, but the love of God compels me to be who he created me to be. I am free. Jesus has set me free. He can set you free, too. His love is better than anything in this life. It is amazing and free to you. It cost Him everything.

Jesus stands at the door and knocks..... All you have to do is open the door to your heart and ask him to come in. He will love you like no one else.

Blessings,
Tammy

Isaiah 60:1 Arise (from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you--rise to a new life)! Shine (be radiant with the Glory of the Lord), for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I can hear the footsteps
of my King
I can hear his
heartbeat beckoning
In my darkness
He has set me free
Now I hear the
spirit calling me

He's calling
Wake up child
It's your turn to shine
You were born
for such a time as this. (2x)
Such a time as this

I can hear a holy rumbling
I have begun to preach
another king.
Loosing chains and
breaking down the walls.
I want to hear the Father when he calls.

He is calling
Wake up child
It is your turn to shine
You were born
for such a time as this (3x)
Such a time as this

This is the anthem
of our generation,
Here we are God
Shake our nation
All we need is your love
You captivate me. (3x)

I am royalty
I have destiny
I have been set free
I am gonna shake history

I am gonna change the world!

Following Him

2011-11-28T08:26:00.002-05:00

Lately, Jesus has been asking me to take His hand as He leads me. Sometimes it feels like he is holding on tight and I am letting go. I am thankful that even if I let go, He never lets me go.

Blessings,
Tammy

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know how to follow you without losing my way
Jesus come and take me by the hand
I don't know how to trust that you will do the things you say
Spirit teach me how to understand

That your love can heal the wreckage of my soul
The beauty of your light shining in me

I don't know when you'll take me home to paradise with you
The day when I will finally be free
Oh the day when you come back for me

See Me Through - Saturday Worship

2011-11-26T07:10:00.001-05:00

See Me Through
Tim Reimherr

As I wait for You
Would You come and see me through
The darkness of this side
I know its all for You
That in the end You would find
A pure and spotless bride

For I'm a stranger here with You
Struggling inside to be a resting place for You
And I was made to be with You
I don't truly rest until I find my rest in You

So come and see me through
As I journey on You will lead me by Your hand
And receive me in the end
Whom have I but You
And there is none upon the earth
That can save me but You

As I journey on this path of life
Let me find favor in Your eyes
To walk humbly before Your eyes
Always, always

Whom have I but You
Send forth your light and truth in me and
Lead me on
Lead me on
Lead me on

Lord Have Mercy
Cause it is my only means
to find you here with me

Life is not right until you split the sky
The Spirit and the Bride say come
We long for the day when you make all things new
We want to be with you

As for me I will enter Your house
By the mercy you are giving me now
Your mercy is my only means

Endless Hallelujah-Wednesday Worship

2011-11-23T17:57:00.002-05:00

When I stand before Your throne
Dressed in glory not my own
What a joy I'll sing of on that day
No more tears or broken dreams
Forgotten is the minor key
Everything as it was meant to be

(CHORUS)
And we will worship, worship
Forever in Your presence we will sing
We will worship, worship You
And endless hallelujah to the King

I will see You as You are
Love You with unsinning heart
And see how much You paid to bring me home
Not till then, Lord, shall I know
Not till then, how much I owe
Everything I am before Your throne

CHORUS

No more tears, no more shame
No more sin and sorrow ever known again
No more fears, no more pain
We will see You face to face
See You face to face

Shining The Light Of Salvation

2011-11-19T07:33:00.000-05:00

I remember a quote from Henry Blackaby that said, "Look where God is working and go there. Right now, God is awakening a generation. This awakening will not look like the one's of old. It looks like this video. The lyrics of this song are amazing.....

All around the world
You hear now's the time
Break the chains and hold them high
Hold them high

We were made for such a time as this
To make a difference
In the world we live
Now we live

Who's dancing, who's singing?
Who's living a life worth living?
We are, we are we're shining
The light of salvation

Who's running, who's loving?
Who's breaking the doors wide open?
We are we are we're shining
The light of salvation

Old has turned
To something new and beautiful
Broken dreams are coming true
They're coming true

Hey, hey, hey, hey
We're shining the light of salvation
Hey, hey, hey, hey
We're shining the light of salvation

We have made our choice we are
We are a generation
With one voice to shout
Of Your salvation

The enemy of our souls has tried to kill the hearts of this generation, but God, the Father, keeps healing our hearts and setting us free. God is not dead, He is alive. He is living inside of me. Jesus Christ, the Hope of Glory, living inside of me. I am amazed to see His life touching others through me. Wow! What kind of God would come down and live inside of me. He is amazing! He has given me resurrection power living on the inside of me for His Glory. Something is happening...I can feel it in my bones. He is pouring out His Spirit on His Bride, the church. He wants me to show the broken, the outcast, the homeless, His Love.

His Love is amazing. It is worth more than gold, diamonds, or any form of earthly love! Father, I pray that a wave of love and Glory would touch my church and the nation. That you would wake up this generation to the Love of God that heals all wounds and sets the captives free!

Blessings,
Tammy

Royalty

2011-11-17T08:26:00.001-05:00

I saw you as a little girl putting these beautiful dresses on,
Saying, "Mommy, Daddy, look at me;
Look at the beautiful princess that I am."
You dressed well for the part,
because I say you are a queen.
You are royalty, royalty.
And I remember looking upon your face,
And I remember washing over you with My tears,
...cause I saw the very day that you stopped believing that you were a princess,
...and My heart broke
...and My tears flowed down,
...my tears flowed down like a river.
And now I say, "I'm gathering you—
I'm gathering every piece of your heart that's been scattered...
...and I'm making it new; I'm making it new.
And your countenance shall reflect the mirror that I've placed before you.
Because you are to know,
when I see you, I see the queen that I created.
So, what will you decree?
What do you want to see?
What will you decree?
What do you want to see?
This day...
...this day is your coronation day.
This day you are being crowned...
...you are being crowned and a scepter is being placed in your hand.
For you are worthy; you are worthy!
And I shall present you,
I shall present you to the nations,
And I shall roll out My red carpet, and you shall walk through with these.
Cause you were made,
you were made to be a queen.
You were made, you were made to be seen.
And I see you,
I see you,
I see you.
And I hear you,
...even when you whisper,
...even when you whisper.

---------------------------------------------------

Longing for Romance

We are made for intimacy with God, not just knowledge about him. There comes a time in the life of every believer when propositional truth is no longer enough. It will always remain central, the foundation for our faith. And sometimes it is all we have, and we can run far and long on it. But women long for romance. We are wired for it; it's what makes our hearts come alive. The path of our restoration as women, the healing of our feminine hearts, that path takes us into a deeper experience of God and his Lover's love for us.

A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she's loved. We've seen this many times - you probably have, too. Cut off from love, rejected, no one pursuing her, something in a woman wilts like a flower no one waters anymore. She withers into resignation, duty and shame.

The radiance of her countenance goes out, like a light that has been turned off. But this same woman, whom everyone thought was rather plain and unengaging, she becomes lovely and inviting when she is pursued. Her heart begins to come alive, come to the surface, and her countenance becomes radiant.

We wonder, "Where has she been all these years? Why - she really is captivating."

Think of Fran in Strictly Ballroom, or Tulah in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Remember Lottie in Enchanted April, Adrian in Rocky or Danielle in Ever After. Their beauty was always there. What happened was merely the power of romance releasing her true beauty, awakening her heart.

She has come alive.

This doesn't need to wait for a man.

God longs to bring this into your life himself. He wants to heal us through his love to become mature women who actually know him. He wants us to experience verses like, "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her" (Hosea 2:14). And "You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride." (Song of Songs 4:9) Our hearts are desperate for this. What would it be like to experience for yourself that the truest thing about his heart toward yours is not disappointment or disapproval but deep, fiery, passionate love?

This is, after all, what a woman was made for.
Captivating by Stasi Eldridge

The Spirit and the Bride say "Come"

2011-11-16T08:07:00.002-05:00

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Revelation 22:1-5

The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come." And let the one who hears say, "Come." And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price. Revelation 22:17

I CHRIST IN YOU, the hope of Glory. The One who walks beside you, holding you by your hand, is the same One who lives within you. This is the deep, unfathomable mystery. You and I are intertwined in a intimacy involving every fiber of your being. The Light of My Presence shines within you as well as upon you. I am in you, and you are in Me; therefore nothing in heaven or on earth can separate you from Me.

As you sit quietly in My Presence, your awareness of My Life within you in heightened. This produces the Joy of the Lord, which is your strength. I, the God of hope, fill you with all Joy and Peace as you trust in Me, so that you may bubble over with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Excerpt from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

The Truth that Heals

2011-11-08T06:58:00.011-05:00

What is Truth? Jesus said, I am the truth, the life, and the way. What does it look like to walk in the truth in our innermost being? When we are connected to the Holy Spirit and let His light shine in us He will lead us into all truth. He will lead us into the wounded and broken places in our soul. He will lead us into the wounded places that are covered by anger and unforgiveness. In my experience, I have noticed that the more I am connected to God, the more truth I see in my life, in others, and in the world as a whole. In contrast to Jesus, the devil is a liar and the father of all lies.

So, the question is how do we walk in the truth? In John 8:32 the Bible says that You will know the Truth (Jesus) and the truth will make you free.

Do you want to be free?

Knowing Jesus intimately is where freedom comes from. Here is where some of us get stuck. We are afraid to come to Jesus because we are ashamed of our self. We have been through experiences at a young age that created shame in the core of our self. The experience wounded us deeply and we have been hiding from others and our loving Heavenly Father ever since. He is calling to you if you are reading this. You can bring your tattered, wounded, darkened soul to him. The shameful experiences you have had were perpetrated by wounded, hurting people in your life. They do not have to define you.

God is calling to you to come to Him. He is not mad at you for what happened. He has been calling to you for a long time. He wants you to come home. He wants you to stand in His Loving, Healing Light. His light can heal the woundedness. You can trust Him. He is safe. He is not like your earthly father or mother that hurt you. He is not critical. He is not scary. He loves the who of who you really are. He loves your heart. The inner you. The one you never show anyone. He is asking you to let down the myriad of masks that your wear to make you acceptable in this world. He knows you. He has a white rock in heaven that He holds in His hand that has your true name and purpose written on it. He wants to reveal your real name and real self to you.

Will you come? Will you take one baby step toward Papa God? He will meet you as you drop a little of the mask. You don't have to wear it with Him. He accepts you with all of the pain and shame. As you come and meet Jesus in the shame, He will let the light of His love release you from the shame. He understands shame. He had insults and violence done against him. He did not deserve the pain and insults. He was unjustly wounded. Just like you. He was publicly shamed on a wooden cross. He went through all of this for you. He knew this world would lie to you about who you are.

He came to set the captives free. He wants to take the shame that you carry. You can slowly come to the foot of His Cross and lay all the pain and the shame there. He knows all that you went through. He understands rejection. His blood poured onto the ground to cover all the shame and pain you went through. You don't have to hide anymore.

Father, I pray for these little one who hide in adult bodies. Scared, Shamed, Wounded, trying everything to hide the shame that they feel.Using things of the world to cover their shame. Lord Jesus, I ask you to heal their woundedness. I thank you for the Holy Spirit who heals our deepest shame.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Always

2011-11-07T16:03:00.001-05:00

I have been feeling overwhelmed by all that is going on in the world....

I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm, My God will come through always...

I lift my eyes up....my help comes from the Lord

Blessings,
Tammy

Walking in the Truth

2011-11-07T06:30:00.005-05:00

We were made to lead the way
We could be the generation
That finally breaks the chains
We were made to be courageous
We were made to be courageous

We were warriors on the front lines
Standing, unafraid
But now we're watchers on the sidelines
While our families slip away

Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more
Let the pounding of our hearts cry
We will serve the Lord

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

This is our resolution
Our answer to the call
We will love our wives and children
We refuse to let them fall

We will reignite the passion
That we buried deep inside
May the watchers become warriors
Let the men of God arise

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

Seek justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly with your God

In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand

In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

We were made to be courageous
Lord, make us courageous

My blog is going to begin to take a different turn. I have been praying for awhile to find the direction God wants me to go in. I sense this is the direction right now.

How do we become free? Jesus said, "you will know the truth and the truth will make you free. Jesus is the truth and He will show us the truth about ourselves, our family, and our nation. Lately I have been listening to a show called the AP Roundtable on Saturdays on the radio. The question posed was, "Do we live in a democracy?" Many people will say yes. I would of said this a year ago. This is a lie.

As they laid out the explanation, I felt anger boil up in my soul. Righteous anger. Our founders gave us a Constitutional Republic. It is not majority rule for a reason. It is based on our Constitution and the rule of law. I am angry because they were saying that politicians don't understand this and they keep repeating this lie that we are a democracy. Many of the founders said that a democracy would not work based on their historical research. So, the truth is that we live in a Constitutional Republic.

Last night I watched a 60 minutes interview about corruption in Washington. The man's name was Jack Abramoff and he was telling the truth of what our elected officials are doing with the lobbyists. He was sent to prison for four years for what he was involved in. Even the woman interviewing him was shocked at the corruption. He would buy off the congressman's staff by offering them a job when they finished their work with the congress and then he had them in his back pocket. Then He would use them to put stuff in bills that favored his clients. He said he did this to over 100 congressmen's offices. He bought them and could get favors from them all for his clients. He said, He did not think he was doing anything wrong at the time. I guess he found out eventually that he was breaking the law. The most shocking thing he said that is he was a religious man and gave much of his money away. That is the rationalization. I can do such and such, but if I do something good it make is alright.

As I watched this, my heart broke for our country. We don't live in the truth. I am just one person, but I want to walk in the truth in my own life. I want to deal with my business honestly. What happened to us since the founders? When did we stop being honest?

We have lost our way. I know the founders of this country did not envision that sixty minutes interview when they wrote the Declaration of Independence. I know they had their blind spots, too,(ie: slavery), but they gave us an amazing republic. As Jefferson once said to a woman who asks him what they had done. He said, I have given you a Republic Madame, if you can keep it.

The Truth is we have lost our way as a country. We need to turn back to the TRUTH. We need to start by living the truth in our own lives.

I am one person with a blog, but we are all just one person that can stand up for the Truth.

Lord Help me be courageous.

Blessings,
Tammy

Restless

2011-11-02T07:56:00.002-04:00

The Lyrics to this song are profound. This is exactly how I feel living in this world looking for God. In 2008, I had an experience with God that changed my life. I had been a Christian for a long time up until this point. After this experience, I started to understand the verses that talk about the "Weight of Glory". I started really understanding the songs that talked about Jesus being worth more than diamonds. His presence, His Glory surpasses anything this world has to offer. God literally changed my life's desires in one experience. I don't look to others or things to fill my soul. Only God can do that.

Before this experience, I was running after material things and approval and love from relationships to fill me. I know now that none of these things can fill the ache in my soul. Only Jesus. When I am in His presence all earthly things vanish. He is the Love and Life that I need. So when I sing this song, I know that I will not be complete until I meet Him at the Crystal Sea. I am looking forward to seeing Dr. T there, too. His beautiful smiling face standing next to Jesus as I run to the throne of God. Until then I will keep encouraging others to look for Him and help them on their journeys the Dr. T helped me.

Blessings,
Tammy

------------------------------------------------------------------

I am the sea on a moonless night
Calling falling, slipping tides
I am the leaky, dripping pipes
The endless, aching drops of light

I am the raindrop falling down
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed

Even the rivers ways to run
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even my thirsty streams
Even in my dreams

I am restless, restless, restless
Looking for you
I am restless
I run like the ocean to find your shore
Looking for you

I am the thorn stuck in your side
I am the one that you left behind
I am the dried-up doubting eyes
Looking for the well that won't run dry

Running hard for the other side
The world that I've always been denied
Running hard for the infinite
With the tears of saints and hypocrites

Oh, blood of black and white and grey
Oh, death in life and night in day
One by one by one
We let our rivers run

I can hear you breathing
I can feel you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling

I can feel you you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
Til the final healing
I'm looking for you

Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
Where tide and tear and pain subside
And laughter drinks them dry

I'll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for

With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you

Restless

Restless

2011-11-02T07:56:00.000-04:00

The Lyrics to this song are profound. This is exactly how I feel living in this world looking for God.

I am the sea on a moonless night
Calling falling, slipping tides
I am the leaky, dripping pipes
The endless, aching drops of light

I am the raindrop falling down
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed

Even the rivers ways to run
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even my thirsty streams
Even in my dreams

I am restless, restless, restless
Looking for you
I am restless
I run like the ocean to find your shore
Looking for you

I am the thorn stuck in your side
I am the one that you left behind
I am the dried-up doubting eyes
Looking for the well that won't run dry

Running hard for the other side
The world that I've always been denied
Running hard for the infinite
With the tears of saints and hypocrites

Oh, blood of black and white and grey
Oh, death in life and night in day
One by one by one
We let our rivers run

I can hear you breathing
I can feel you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling

I can feel you you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
Til the final healing
I'm looking for you

Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
Where tide and tear and pain subside
And laughter drinks them dry

I'll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for

With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you

Restless

"Great Awakening"

2011-11-01T07:07:00.000-04:00

Awaken by Lawrence Tribble

"The Great Awakening touched every section of the colonial domains of England in the New World-from northernmost New England to southernmost Georgia. And its impact was enormous. Interestingly, this cultural and spiritual phenomenon was entirely driven by grassroots evangelism and community cooperation, as this famous verse illustrates." ~ George Grant, The Patriot's Handbook

One man awake,
Awakens another.
The second awakens
His next-door brother.
The three awake can rouse a town
By turning
The whole place
Upside down.

The many awake
Can make such a fuss
It finally awakens
The rest of us.
One man up,
With dawn in his eyes,
Surely then
Multiplies.

Awakening

2011-10-31T19:00:00.001-04:00

Awaken by Lawrence Tribble
"The Great Awakening touched every section of the colonial domains of England in the New World-from northernmost New England to southernmost Georgia. And its impact was enormous. Interestingly, this cultural and spiritual phenomenon was entirely driven by grassroots evangelism and community cooperation, as this famous verse illustrates." ~ George Grant, The Patriot's Handbook

One man awake,
Awakens another.
The second awakens
His next-door brother.
The three awake can rouse a town
By turning
The whole place
Upside down.

The many awake
Can make such a fuss
It finally awakens
The rest of us.
One man up,
With dawn in his eyes,
Surely then
Multiplies.

Rain Dance

2011-10-31T09:36:00.004-04:00

The Bible declares, "...The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Eli'jah was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months. And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit." James 5:16-18 (KJV)

I have been looking for this song on video for along time. Since 2006 I have been worshipping and praying this song for my church and my city. Lord, we are praying for your Holy Spirit and Power in our church. This generation is a dancing generation. I love to see the kids using their dancing skills to honor The Lord. Praise God!!!!!!

Blessings,
Tammy

Rain Dance

2011-10-31T09:33:00.001-04:00

I have been looking for this song on video for along time. Since 2006 I have been worshipping and praying this song for my church and my city. Lord, we are praying for your Holy Spirit and Power in our church. I feel in my Spirit that we are a dancing generation. I love to see the kids using their dancing skills to honor The Lord. Praise God!!!!!!

Blessings,
Tammy

Mercy - Sunday Worship

2011-10-30T03:36:00.000-04:00

Here I am a sinner
Broken and in need of You
Take my life and wash my fears away
For You are the Great I AM
Rest assured, I feel Your hand
Holding me until the darkness clears
A Father to the fatherless
Redeemer of my soul
My Life is Yours forever
I want the world to know

Your mercy saved me
Mercy made me whole
Your mercy found me
Called me as Your own

Here I stand a child of Yours
Broken and in need of You
Break these chains and wash my guilt away Healer of my brokenness
My weary soul will find its rest
You are my strength, the lifter of my head You’re greater than my yesterdays
You hold me close today
You’re the Lord of my tomorrows
My heart will always say
You’re greater than my yesterdays
You hold me close today
You’re the Lord of my tomorrows
My heart will always say

You called me as Your own
You called me as Your own
Thank You for Your mercy
Thank You for Your mercy

You called me as Your own
Your own

All Honor All Power - Saturday Worship

2011-10-29T07:18:00.001-04:00

All honor All glory All power to you (repeat several times)

Holy Father we worship you precious Jesus our savior

Holy Spirit we wait on you Holy spirit

We wait on you Holy spirit.... we wait on you for Fire (several times)

The Happy Song- Friday Worship

2011-10-28T07:13:00.001-04:00

I love this worship! We are a dancing generation! Woo! Hoo!

Blessings,
Tammy

----------------------------------------------------

O-h
I could sing un-ending songs of, how You saved my soul
Well I could dance, a thousand miles
Because of Your great love

Yeah

My heart is bursting Lord
To tell of all You’ve done
Of how You changed my life and wiped away the past
Oh I wanna shout it out
From every rooftop sing
For now I know that God is for me not against me

Oh everybody dance

Yea
Ha-ha-ha-ha

Oh

Oh everybody dance
Hey

Hey hey
(Ha ha-ha-ha)

Everybody’s singing now
‘Cause we’re so happy

Everybody’s dancing now
(Y-eah)
‘Cause we’re so happy

If only we could see Your face
And see You smiling over us
And unseen angels celebrate
For joy is in this place

Ha-ha
O-h
(Oh everybody)

Whoo
Yeah

(Oh yeah let’s do it again)

Hey
I could dance a thousand miles for You
Oh I could dance a thousand miles for You

(I wanna shout it out)
Oh I could sing, unending songs, of how You saved my soul
(I wanna shout it out)
Well I could dance, a thousand miles
Because of Your great love
(I wanna shout it out)

You Come Running

2011-10-25T08:14:00.003-04:00

I heard this song yesterday and I broke down in tears. This last year has been the most difficult of my life. I have been through many things. I have lived through a crazy home filled with alcoholism, abusive boyfriends, lack of money, rejection by family and friends when I started confronting with truth. I have been through so much, but I always felt God's presence in my life since I was 21. I always knew I could make it. The last year of going through heavy metal detox broke me. I felt like I was brought to the very end of myself and the worst part was that I could not sense God's presence. It was the worst part of the whole experience. The darkness was the most painful. I know He was with me, but I could not sense Him.

It has almost been a year since this journey with my health began and I am happy to report that God is healing my body. I have a sense of healing in my brain and body. My energy is returning on a consistent basis. I know I will need to continue detoxing, but I am sensing the worst is over.

I have learned so much through this trial. In a strange way I am more free to serve God. I literally lost my life and I have found it in Him. He is all I want. I am running to Him with all I have. I have nothing without Him.

Blessings,
Tammy

----------------------------------------------------------------------

When I feel the cold of winter
endless cloak of sadness, I need you
All the evil things that shake me
All the words that break me, I need you
Over the mountains, over the sea
Here You come running, my lover, to me.

Do not hide me from your presence
Pull me from these shadows, I need you
Beauty, wrap your arms around me
Sing your song of kindness, I need you

Over the mountains, over the sea
Here You come running, my lover, to me. Yeah
All though valleys, through the dark of night
Here you come running, to hold me, till it's light Yeah

Over the mountains, over the sea
Here You come running, my lover, to me. Yeah
All though valleys, through the dark of night
Here you come running, to hold me,

till it's light

Celebrate Your Age

2011-10-21T16:08:00.000-04:00

I watched this video of a woman who became a model at 50. I love what she says...she has a glow about her. :)

Blessings,
Tammy

Prodigal - Thursday Worship

2011-10-20T08:27:00.001-04:00

I’ve tasted Your glory and I left it there.
Your poured out Your Spirit and I didn’t care.
Still you loved me

I’ve lived for myself with nobody to blame.
I took what You gave me and squandered Your grace.
Still You loved me.
Nothing compares to what You’ve done for me
Nothing compares to what You’ve done for me.

I could live for the broken and share in their pain.
I could die like a martyr or live like a saint just to love You.
I could sing like the angels and gather Your praise:
Be blessed beyond measure and give it away just to love You.
Still nothing compares to what You’ve done for me.
Nothing compares to what You’ve done for me.

My heart has been broken; I’ve laid out my shame.
Because of Your mercy,
All I can say is I love You.
So I’ll tell of Your story
I’ll carry Your name
I’ll live for Your glory Lord,
I’ll share in Your pain just to love You.
Nothing compares to what You’ve done for me.
Nothing compares to what You’ve done for me.
Nothing compares to what You’ve done for me.

Nothing can separate us
Nothing can separate us
Not death or life
Or depth or height
Or unseen power
Now or ever!

What a Savior- Tuesday Worship

2011-10-18T20:50:00.001-04:00

Atoning sacrifice
Keeper of this life
Hallelujah, You are Savior
Beginning and the end
Forgiver of my sin
By Your mercy You have saved us

CHORUS
Jesus, You are stronger
More than any other
Hallelujah, what a Savior
Jesus, You are higher
My souls deepest desire
Hallelujah, You are Savior

You are the Shepherd King
You lead us by still waters
Hallelujah, You are Savior
You are my only hope
Your kindness is my friend
In Your presence You restore us

BRIDGE
You are the way, the truth and the life
You are my joy and salvation
Stood in my place, taking my shame
Upon Your shoulders

Offer Your Heart to Him

2011-10-18T08:55:00.003-04:00

Every time I hear this song it makes me cry.... I feel like I am living this song. My Worship of God offends people who don't understand. This devotional spoke to my heart today. Especially this part...

Women hold a special place in the heart of God. A woman's worship brings Jesus immense pleasure and a deep ministry. You can minister to the heart of God. You impact Him. You matter. Jesus desires you to pour out your love on him in extravagant worship that ministers to his heart

I know God has me in training and I welcome all He has to teach me. I been asking God for tears for the lost and He is giving them to me. I did not know that my tears would start with the church first. I pray God gives me His love that would heal the ones who don't know His love in the church. I offer my broken heart to my church as an offering for Jesus. I pray that through me I could touch them with His Love.

Blessings,
Tammy

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Offer Your Heart

Now for one of the most beautiful mysteries of the feminine heart.

Women minister something to the heart of God that men do not. Look at the record. It was a woman who rushed into the Pharisee's house uninvited and washed Jesus' feet with her tears, dried them with her hair and kissed them in an act of intimate repentant worship.

It was a woman who broke the alabaster vase over Jesus' head, anointing him with oil and the fragrance of her sacrificial worship filled the room. It was women who followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. It was women who stayed at the foot of the cross offering him the comfort of their presence until Jesus breathed his last. It was to women that Jesus first revealed himself after he rose from the dead and it was women who first "clasped his feet and worshiped him" as the Risen, Victorious Lord.

Women hold a special place in the heart of God. A woman's worship brings Jesus immense pleasure and a deep ministry. You can minister to the heart of God. You impact Him. You matter. Jesus desires you to pour out your love on him in extravagant worship that ministers to his heart. This is not just for women who have the time; women who are really spiritual. You are made for romance and the only one who can offer it to you consistently and deeply is Jesus.

Offer your heart to him.

(Captivating, 124-125)

Alabaster Box Lyrics

The room grew still as she made her way to Jesus
She stumbles through the tears that made her blind
She felt such pain
Some spoke in anger
Heard folks whisper "There's no place here for her kind"

Still on she came through the shame that flushed her face
Until at last she knelt before his feet
And though she spoke no words, everything she said was heard
As she poured her love for the master from her box of alabaster

And I've come to pour my praise on HIm like oil
From Mary's alabaster box
Don't be angry if
I wash his feet with my tears and I dry them with my hair

You weren't there the night he found me
You did not feel what I felt when he wrapped his love all aorund me
And you don't know the cost of the oil in my alabaster box

I can't forget the way life used to be
I was a prisoner to the sins that had me bound
I spent all my days
And poured my life without measure

Into a little treasure box I thought I found
Until the day when Jesus came to me
And filled my soul with the wonder of his touch

So now Im giving back to him all the praise he's worthy of
I've been forgiven and that's why I love him so much
And I 've come to pour my praise on him like oil
From Mary's alabaster box

Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears
And I dry them with my hair.......my hair
You weren't there

The night Jesus found me
You did not feel what I felt when he wrapped his loving arms around me
And you don't know the cost of the oil

oohhhhhhhhhhhh
You don't know the cost of my praise
You don't know the cost of the oil in my alabaster box

Made New

2011-10-15T07:43:00.010-04:00

Blessed are you, Oh Lord when I am well
Blessed are you, Oh Lord when I am sick
You are good and I stand in your Love and Mercy
I praise you in my suffering for you are a Good God

Blessings,
Tammy

-------------------------------------------------

An Excerpt from Sarah Young Devotional for October 14

Be prepared to suffer for Me, in My Name. All suffering has meaning in my kingdom. Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me.

Bearing your circumstances bravely--even thanking Me for them--is one of the highest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy throughout heavenly realms. On earth also, your patient suffering sends out ripples of good tiding in ever widening circles.

When suffering strikes remember that I am sovereign and that I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead accept adversity in My Name, offering it up to Me for my purposes. Thus, your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me. Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness.

James 1:2-4 Psalm 107:21-22

Hallelujah- Tuesday Praise

2011-10-11T09:19:00.000-04:00

Hope Of The Broken World- Monday Praise

2011-10-10T08:03:00.001-04:00

Selah
Written by Jennie Riddle & Carl Cartee
HOPE OF THE BROKEN WORLD
Jennie Lee Riddle/Carl Cartee

In the beginning, into the darkness
The Spirit moving upon the waters
You spoke the words “Let there be Light”
And out of the chaos came the promise
The universe rose and applauded

When You commanded the newborn sun to rise
You are the DaySpring
You are the Morning Star
Creation’s splendor speaks of You are

You are Salvation
You are the Joy of the earth
Restoration comes
The hope of the broken world

Into my weakness, into my darkness
Your Spirit’s moving upon my heart
And You speak the words, “Let there be Light”
Into my chaos comes Your promise

The new is rising, the old has passed on
You are reviving and making all things right
You are the DaySpring
You are the Morning Star

Creation’s splendor speaks of You are
You are Salvation
You are the Joy of the earth
Restoration comes
The hope of the broken world

Arise and shine
The glory of the Lord is risen

Arise and shine
The glory of the Lord is risen

Arise and shine
The glory of the Lord is risen

Arise and shine
The glory of the Lord is risen

You are the DaySpring
You are the Morning Star
Creation’s splendor speaks of You are
You are Salvation
You are the joy of the earth
Restoration comes

The hope of the broken world

Saturday Worship- Awakening

2011-10-08T07:37:00.001-04:00

In our hearts Lord
In this nation
Awakening

Holy Spirit
We Desire
Awakening

Chorus:
For You and You alone
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing

For the world You love
Your will be done
Let Your will be done in me

In Your presence
In Your power
Awakening

Verse 4:
For this moment
For this hour
Awakening

Bridge:
Like the rising sun that shines
From the darkness comes a light
I hear Your voice say
This is my awakening

Like the rising sun that shines
Awake my soul
Awake my soul to sing

From the darkness comes a light
Awake my soul
Awake my soul to sing

Only You can raise a life
Awake my soul
Awake my soul to sing

Splashing in the River

2011-10-07T08:56:00.009-04:00

There is a fountain filled with blood
drawn from Emmanuel's veins;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood
lose all their guilty stains,
lose all their guilty stains,
lose all their guilty stains;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood
lose all their guilty stains.

The dying thief rejoiced to see
that fountain in his day;
And there may I, though vile as he,
wash all my sins away,
wash all my sins away,
wash all my sins away;
And there may I, though vile as he,
wash all my sins away.

E'er since, by faith, I saw the stream
Thy flowing wounds supply,
Redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die,
and shall be till I die,
and shall be till I die;
Redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die

As I was reading the post below by John Eldridge, I was thinking about how I used to operate in the world. I gave out of emptiness. I had a wounded heart and Spirit, but the Bible said to give and serve. So I did. Growing up I served and obeyed my Dad out of fear. I served out of duty and obligation. I did things for people and my Dad to be liked and to avoid any type of confrontation. I did not confront bad behavior in others out of fear. I was in bondage.

I did not know God's grace in my heart.

When I met my precious Dr. T. he began to teach me about grace. He freely gave of himself. It was so foreign to me. I wanted to pay him back, but there was no way. I had a hard time for the first few years receiving His Love and Support.

In the back of my mind, my little girl was waiting. What did He want? When was the other shoe going to drop. All my life I had grown up with people giving to me with strings attached.

With Dr. T., no strings. Absolutely None. My little mind and heart could not figure his motives out. "Why me?" "Why did he pick me?" Why was he doing it? He treated me like his own daughter. He cared. He wanted to really know me.

It took me awhile to understand these new rules. He was a giver. Only the second one I had met in my life besides my Mom. Everyone else I had been in relationships with had motives. There was always a hidden cost. You, know the kind. I do this and you do that.

So, Dr T. began to teach me about God's grace. It is a free gift. God through His Son Jesus, sacrificed and died on the cross for my sins to save me period. All I needed to do is to admit I was a sinner and receive the gift of His Son Jesus into my heart and believe. My performance after salvation, good or bad is not what it is about. He is a giver because that is who God is. It is his character.

I used to serve God out of obligation. Now, since my experience with Dr. T., I love and serve God out of a grateful, joyful heart. I don't want to sin because it breaks God's heart and is not His best for me. I don't want to do anything to hurt the God who loved me so much. I trust My Papa God now. I have been filled with so much love in my heart it splashes out all over.

Just like Dr. T., I will never be able to pay God back for all He has done for me. All I can do is lead others to the river and splash around with them with Joy celebrating all God has done for us with thankful, grateful hearts. :)

Blessings,
Tammy

--------------------------------------------------

Storing Up to Overflow

If then you are wise, you will show yourself rather as a reservoir than as a canal. A canal spreads abroad water as it receives it, but a reservoir waits until it is filled before overflowing, and thus without loss to itself [it shares] its superabundant water. (Bernard of Clairvuex)

A beautiful picture. The canal runs dry so quickly, shortly after the rains subside. Like a dry streambed in the desert. But a reservoir is a vast and deep reserve of life. We are called to live in a way that we store up reserves in our heart, and then offer from a place of abundance. As Jesus said, "Therefore every teacher of the law who has been instructed about the kingdom of heaven is like the owner of a house who brings out of his storeroom new treasures as well as old" (Matt 13:52). I'm thinking, Storeroom? What storeroom? "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart for out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45 emphasis added).

I'm afraid I live spiritually like I live financially - I get a little, and go spend it. I live like a canal. I look like a reservoir when the rains come, but shortly after, I'm dried up again. (My financially responsible readers have just congratulated themselves on living a more disciplined life. But may I ask, are you using those reserves to do things that nourish your heart? Many a Scrooge has filled his coffers while starving his soul).

"There are very many canals in the church today," laments Julia Gatta, "but few reservoirs."

One woman deeply involved in ministry wrote to me recently that she is "burned out to a crackling crunch." She has been a canal. She hasn't cared for her heart. She is not alone.

How would you live differently, if you believed your heart was the treasure of the kingdom?

(Waking The Dead , 199, 200 )

Forever Reign- Sunday Worship

2011-10-02T07:26:00.002-04:00

The Truth

2011-10-01T10:14:00.004-04:00

Recently God has been bringing a term to my attention. "The Truth". What is the truth? I have been lied to my whole life. When I was born, my Mom and Dad came from a long line of sin that took the form of alcoholism. The dynamics of this sin problem teaches the child, "don't talk, don't trust, and don't feel. I knew something was wrong even at a young age. When I would talk to my Mom about it she would say, "Oh your Father works so hard". What? He is acting like a crazy person and her answer was he works hard. OK, so let me get this straight. My Dad gets up at 3:00am in the morning and starts renovating the kitchen and I am supposed to not say anything. Just try to go back to bed and pretend he is not doing it. My Dad works all day and then drinks til 4:00am in the morning, comes home drunk as a skunk every night for years and I am supposed to believe this is OK because he works hard. In my family growing up. We did not face the truth.

Fast forward to my physical illness. As per my blog yesterday, dentists are putting mercury, a known toxic substance in my mouth and the dentists keeps it in a contained jar, disposes of it needing to wear a hazmat suit, but it is safe to put in my mouth and have it in their for years and years. What? When I watched the videos from yesterday I wanted to scream at that pompous dentist and say that you are full of it. What is the truth? They were wrong and they can't admit the truth.

Why is it so hard to admit the truth? For my Mom it would cause her to confront my Dad. It would bring persecution if he did not want to face the truth. It would cause a conflict and my Dad might get angry and yell. My Dad may leave if confronted with the truth. My Dad may withdraw love. She may have to become more independent. She may have to face her own truth. Basically, the truth will cause change.

For the ADA they may have to retrain dentists and pay amends to children like me who have suffered under their ignorance. The reason we as humans don't face the truth is that is easier to believe the lie. To bury our heads in the sand. In the end it brings destruction to someone.

Jesus said He is the WAY, THE TRUTH, and THE LIFE. The truth will cost you something. In the end, it brings life and freedom.

I am asking God each day to help me walk in the truth. To tell the truth to myself and others no matter the cost.

There are parallels to growing up in a alcoholic family and having mercury amalgam illness. I was lied to both times and both issues cost me dearly. What I have learned is that I need to trust the Holy Spirit within me and myself. No matter what others tell me, I will listen and speak the truth. The truth is my Dad was hurting our family with his drinking and my Mom hurt us with her silence.

The truth is the American Dental Association hurt me with their bad science and it cost me my health for twenty years. The truth is I was very ill even though the every doctor told me they could find nothing wrong. My body and my symptoms were trying to tell me the truth.

I pray I can move forward now and help others know the truth and the truth will set them free.

Blessings,
Tammy

1990 60 Minutes Excerpt on Mercury Amalgam Dental Fillings 1-3

2011-09-30T10:05:00.008-04:00

This is part of my healing process... In order to process and grieve what has been done to me. I need to get my anger out. The following is a rant against government officials who do not have a clue what they are doing to poor unsuspecting children. This is my Mercury Poisoning Story. I pray it helps some person out there who has been told that their is nothing wrong with them, but they KNOW that something is.

I wanted to scream when I saw this video.... I have been sick for twenty years. To the the point at 29 years old and after, I had absolutely no energy and could barely work part-time. My symptoms included depression, Extreme Menstrual cramping and PMS, Fatigue, Food Allergies, Chemical Sensitivity, Adrenal and Thyroid issues, ect. I went to so many doctors and they could find nothing wrong with me. The symptoms are too many to even list. This reminds me of the people who were dying of lung cancer from the effects of smoking and the so-called experts were saying, smoking is fine for you! They were proved wrong. I pray that one day this poison will be banned from the market. Did you even know that the Amalgams were 50% Mercury. I don't think if the dentist had told my Mom that he was putting mercury in my mouth when I was nine years old she would of said... Yes! Yes! .. put a known poisonous toxin in my little girls mouth!

Eight mercury fillings were placed in my mouth when I was very young. When I was around 19 years old my health nightmare began when one of my so called safe amalgams (50 percent mercury fillings) began to leak after my tooth cracked. I did not have much money back then so I did not get it fixed for two years. I remember not being able to open my mouth...on that side. I thought I had TMJ. My physical and mental health then began to deteriorate for the next twenty years. I was a very energetic twenty year old and then by the time I was twenty- five I was having a hard time working a full time job. These so-called dental experts ruined half of my life. I can't even believe that they are still putting these in children's mouths. I had mine removed in 2005....thank God. Since then, I have slowly been regaining my life back. I will spend my life speaking "my truth" of what "they" have done to me.

Blessings,
Tammy

"One of Us" Saturday Worship

2011-09-24T09:36:00.001-04:00

Weary tired and worn
Facing another storm
I find it hard to trust
I know You understand
I see the scars in Your hand
You were one of us

Now run to you
There is shelter in your arms
You were one of us
Jesus
Now I come to you
You can hear my broken heart
For you were one of us
You were one of us

You felt my every pain
My every tear Lord you have saved
You know i am only dust
You're there night and dasy
Your prayer makes a way
You were one of us
Jesus

Now I run to you
There is shelter in Your arms
You were one of us
Jesus
Now I come to you
You can heal my broken heart
You were one of us

Not To Us-Thursday Praise

2011-09-22T08:11:00.000-04:00

The cross before me the world behind
No turning back, raise the banner high
It's not for me, it's all for You

Let the heavens shake and split the sky
Let the people clap their hands and cry
It's not for us, it's all for You

Not to us, but to Your name be the glory
Not to us, but to Your name be the glory

Our hearts unfold before Your throne
The only place for those who know
It's not for us, it's all for You

Send Your holy fire on this offering
Let our worship burn for the world to see
It's not for us, it's all for You

The earth is shaking, the mountains shouting
It's all for You
The waves are crashing, the sun is raging
It's all for You
The universe spinning and singing
It's all for You
The children dancing, dancing, dancing
It's all for You, it's all for You

My all for You
Not to us, but to Your name be the glory
My all for You
Not to us, but to Your name be the glory
My all for You
Not to us, but to Your name be the glory

Before The Throne - Sunday Worship

2011-09-17T19:46:00.000-04:00

Shane and Shane was at my church last week. It was great to worship live with them.....

Blessings,
Tammy

Holy- Saturday Worship

2011-09-17T10:46:00.004-04:00

Isaiah 6

In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train(Hem) of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew.

And one called to another and said:

"Holy, Holy, Holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!"

And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said:

"Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!"

Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said:

"Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for."

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I! Send me."

When You Feel Like Letting Go....

2011-09-10T09:29:00.008-04:00

Slowly fading away
You’re lost and so afraid
Where is the hope in a world so cold
Looking for a distant light
Someone who can save a life
You’re living in fear that no one will hear your cry
Can you save me now?

I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won’t leave you, I will catch you
When you feel like letting go
‘Cause you’re not, you’re not alone

Your heart is full of broken dreams
Just a fading memory
And everything’s gone, but the pain carries on
Lost in the rain again
When will it ever end?
The arms of relief seem so out of reach
But I, I am here

I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won’t leave you, I will catch you
When you feel like letting go
‘Cause you’re not, you’re not alone

And I will be your hope
When you feel like it’s over
And I will pick you up
When your whole world shatters
And when you’re finally in my arms
Look up and see, love has a face

I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won’t leave you, I will catch you
When you feel like letting go
‘Cause you’re not, you’re not alone

And I will be your hope
(You’re not alone)
And I will pick you up
And I will be your hope
And I will be your hope

Slowly fading away
You’re lost and so afraid
Where is the hope in a world so cold?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

There is something about learning spiritual lessons through experience that is profoundly transformational to the human soul. When I speak about my relationship with God, I don't speak from a head knowledge. God has chosen to walk me through the lessons while I struggle to follow him over mountains and valleys deep.

The latest lessons I have been learning are walking through detoxing Mercury and Lead out of my body. I have been through many valleys, but this one has been excruciatingly difficult. There are no words to describe the physical, mental, and emotional toll it has taken on my Spirit, Mind, and body. It affects my brain down to my little toe. Everything aches as the poison is being leached out of my system.

Last week, I had a set back and developed bronchitis on top of everything else. I had to cancel my whole week of appointments as I broke down emotionally. I cry out to God. "I'm so tired!!!" A huge part of me wants to just lay down and give up. A small part of me is just hanging on to a sliver of an end of the rope hoping that things will get better.

My Papa God has a keen way of encouraging me with glimpses of Him when I am barely crawling. Two moments stand out. After I sat with and I.V. in my arm for two hours at the doctor's office to try to heal from the bronchitis, I went to Publix because I was really hungry for some reason. I was so weak I could barely walk up the stairs to the store. I slowly made my way to the Deli counter and a older woman with the presence of God beaming out of her Spirit waited on me. She offered me a slice of Roast Beef as they often do when you buy deli-meat. I said, "thank you for that because I just came from the doctor and really needed it. " She looked at me with the kindest, most loving eyes and pressed another slice in my hand. It was as if God touched me at that moment. I felt like I was in the desert about to pass out and someone offered me a drink of water. I almost started crying. It was a beautiful moment for me. I sensed God saying, "I am with you, I will help you through this"

The next experience was hearing the above song. It describes how I feel right now. Because this illness is not known to anyone, no one really understands what I am going through. It is like God is saying, He knows and He will carry me through.

Today, I am feeling better, but I know I am only part way through. There will be more days of feeling like giving up, but I am trying to let go and let My Papa God carry me through......

Blessings,
Tammy

Speaking Words of Love

2011-09-06T07:19:00.005-04:00

Your Love is Everything by Chris Quilala

For me, God has spoken words of Love deep into my heart. His words changed me. His words of Love brought life to my broken, weary, soul.

He used many avenues to speak to me. Many people spoke love and life to me over the years directed by My Papa God. I pray that He can speak His words of Love through me to others to bring new life.

Blessings,
Tammy

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Speaking Words of Love

Often we remain silent when we need to speak. Without words, it is hard to love well. When we say to our parents, children, lovers, or friends: "I love you very much" or "I care for you" or "I think of you often" or "You are my greatest gift," we choose to give life.

It is not always easy to express our love directly in words. But whenever we do, we discover we have offered a blessing that will be long remembered. When a son can say to his father, "Dad, I love you," and when a mother can say to her daughter, "Child, I love you," a whole new blessed place can be opened up, a space where it is good to dwell. Indeed, words have the power to create life.

Text excerpts taken from Bread for the Journey, by Henri J.M. Nouwen, ©1997 HarperSanFrancisco. All Scripture from The Jerusalem Bible ©1966, 1967, and 1968 Darton, Longman & Todd and Doubleday & Co. Inc. Psalms from The Psalms, A New Translation ©1963 The Grail (England) published by Collins. Photo by K. Smith.

The Lord is My Shepherd- Monday Worship

2011-09-05T05:39:00.002-04:00

The LORD Is My Shepherd

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Lessons from Suffering

2011-09-04T08:01:00.005-04:00

I pray His peace over you, and his love over you

There's a fourth man standing there in the fire,
There's a fourth man standing there in the fire, you're not alone
Your Father's coming down to shut the mouths of the lions
Your Father's coming down to shut the mouths of the lions, you're not alone

He knows all your pain, he knows all your pain......

---------------------------------------------------------------

This week has been a very difficult one for me. I was feeling better until last Friday, and then "wham" a little cough turned into bronchitis. I had to cancel my whole week of appointments and go to the doctor on Wednesday for an I. V. of Myers cocktail. That is what they call an I.V. infusion of Vitamin C and some other nutrients. I have a difficult time with antibiotics so this works for me. It worked and since Wednesday have been improving a little every day.

During this whole week, God has been whispering wisdom to me through the radio, reading and youtube. The theme has been suffering. Why it happens in this world and what purpose, if any does it have? It is a question I have been wrestling with for a while now. It is one of the questions I am asked in my counseling practice most often.

What I learned about suffering.....

This world is broken because of sin so the rain falls on the unjust and the just. I may have gotten a virus because my body is weak and the virus was able to get a foothold and then a stronghold in my body.

God sometimes uses suffering to build our character and perseverance. Romans 5:3 states;

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

He also uses suffering as a corrective action. If we are going our own way God will use pain as a "loving" gesture to turn us back to Him.

Suffering alos can be used for a constructive purpose. As my life verse 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 states;

All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.

Suffering can also have cosmic connotations as in the story of Job in the Bible.

So, this week has been a very difficult one, but I have learned alot. If anyone is going through hard times, I hope this post is an encouragement to you. You are not alone. As the song above says.....there's a fourth man (Jesus) in the fire with you.

Blessings,
Tammy

Jesus Culture - Awakening

2011-09-03T18:26:00.000-04:00

Let our praise be a highway, fill this place, oh King of Glory
Touch our cities and fill Your people
A new day dawning,You are shining like the sun
Arising, You awaken me, You awaken me

Eyes to see and ears to hear You calling
Our hearts respond to Your Spirit falling

You're awakeing our hearts to Your kingdom
Heaven is falling as we are declaring Your Name
We'll sing aloud with all of our passion
King of Glory, come and fill this place

Let our lives be a pure reflection of You, King of Glory
Shine Your light on us Your people
A new song rising joined by the sound of heaven's praise
You're awakening, You awaken me

Come like You promised
Come, fall upon us

Stronger

2011-08-26T13:23:00.008-04:00

This week, I had to take my little Papillon, P.J., to have his teeth cleaned. I am amazed how God speaks to me through the circumstances in my life. As I was walking through this situation, God's Spirit was showing me His heart toward me during the recent health trial I have been going through since November.

Cleaning a dog's teeth sounds simple on the surface, but it involves putting him under anesthesia. I have putting it off because I did not want him and "me" to have to go through the trauma of it.

I decided that Thursday would be the big day. So, Wednesday night was the last time He could have food or water until He went to the vet at 8:00am the next day. When He woke up in the morning, He was so thirsty. He kept licking his lips and I could tell his mouth was dry. He kept looking at me with his big brown eyes so confused about what was going on. Why was this happening! Where's my food and water bowls! He demanded with his running around back and forth. He could not understand "why" this was happening. I could not adequately explain it to him. I tried to comfort him and encourage him to trust me. Nothing would satisfy him. He must of came up to me atleast ten times looking at me with those sad, confused eyes.

"I am thirsty, Mommy" "Please give me some water?" It broke my heart to see him suffer, licking his lips over and over......

God began to speak to my heart about all my suffering. That He feels the pain for me. That I won't understand everything right now. That I need to trust what I don't understand.

It gets worse with P.J. I leave him at the vet and He is looking so scared as they take him away. I tell him, "It is going to be OK". "Mommy is here and is going to be ok"

He just looks scared and confused as they take him away.

When I pick him up it was even worse. He looked traumatized. He has blood on his leg and a bandage. He looks disheveled. He was whimpering for at least a half an hour and would not calm down. I just held him in the car and whispered it was OK over an over. Finally, he calmed down. I think I was almost as traumatized as him.

So, the spiritual revelation God revealed to me was that He wants me to trust Him even in the darkest times of my detox. He knows this is going to be good in the end. Just like P. J. I don't understand "why" I have to go through this, but somehow some way it is making me better......stronger.

Blessings,
Tammy

Jesus Culture - Fill me Up

2011-08-25T06:37:00.003-04:00

This is my prayer......

You provide the fire
I'll provide the sacrifice
You provide the Spirit
I will open up inside

Fill me up, God
Fill me up, God
Fill me up, God
Fill me up

Love of God...overflow
Permeate...all my soul

--------------------------------------------------------------

Revelation 7:9-17

After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands,and crying out with a loud voice, "Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!"

And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying, "Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen."

Then one of the elders addressed me, saying, "Who are these, clothed in white robes, and from where have they come?" I said to him, "Sir, you know." And he said to me, "These are the ones coming out of the great tribulation. They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

"Therefore they are before the throne of God,
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence.

They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore;
the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat.
For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd,
and he will guide them to springs of living water,
and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

Tuesday Worship- Hallelujah (Medley)

2011-08-23T18:24:00.000-04:00

Holding On

2011-08-20T20:06:00.004-04:00

Since November, I have been up, down, and all around walking through this mercury and lead detox. It is a daily walk. I never know how I will feel from day to day. I am just holding on to God's unchanging hand.

As the song above says,

Holding on
Standing Strong
Holding on
All Your promises are sure

I am being healed, but the path is not a straight one. God is up to something and He is using this trial to strengthen my Spirit. I am not sure exactly how, but I can feel a fearlessness rising up in me where I don't care what others think about me anymore. If you had known me in the past, this is amazing. I was an people pleasing "approval" addict.

A courage and a boldness is rising up in me because I have walked through this storm. I am becoming more and more free. It is like a young tree that faces a storm. The tree is blown around everywhere. After many years and many storms it's roots grow deep. The trunk is growing stronger and wider, too. That is how I feel. I used to back away from being me and being free.

Now, my roots are growing deeper and my trunk is getting larger.

I am standing strong .....

Blessings,
Tammy

Waiting Here For You -Saturday Worship

2011-07-30T10:22:00.001-04:00

If faith can move the mountains
Let the mountains move
We come with expectation
Waiting here for you, I’m waiting here for you

You’re the Lord of all creation
And still you know my heart
The Author of Salvation
You’ve loved us from the start

CHORUS
Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia

You are everything You’ve promised
Your faithfulness is true
And we're desperate for Your presence
All we need is You

CHORUS

Singing Alleluia
Alleluia, singing alleluia, alleluia

CHORUS

Waiting here for you
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
We're singing Alleluia

I'm singing Alleluia
Waiting here for you
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia
Singing Alleluia

Wish You Were Here ( A Tribute to Dr. Stephan Tchividjian)

2011-07-29T17:41:00.004-04:00

Today is Dr. T's birthday. For the last two weeks I have been thinking about him and missing him alot. I am having a hard time accepting that I am on my own in my ministry. I wish he was here to share it all with.

Today, I heard this song and it touched my heart in a special way.I think it is God's way of comforting me about losing Dr. T. I "know" this is what he would say to me. I love the part in the song that says He is "finally free" and one day I will be too. I love you Dr. T and I can't wait to be finally free and see you again one day.

Blessings,
Tammy

---------------------------------------------------

I wanted to tell you how closely I've kept
The memories of you in my heart
And all of the lifetimes that we had to share
Live even though we're apart
But don't cry for me
'Cause I'm finally free
(Chorus)
To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me

No don't you be weary cause waiting for you
Are wonders that you've never known
Just hold on to Jesus, reach out for his hands
And one day They'll welcome you home
And that's when you'll be
Finally free
Finally free

(Chorus)
I wish you were here, I wish you were here

And all of the dreams that you treasure
Will soon come together
And that's when your sorrow will find tomorrow
And you will rise again

(Chorus)

We'll run with the angels on streets made of gold
We'll listen to stories of saints new and old
We'll worship our maker that's where we'll be
When you finally find me

I wish you were here

All Who Are Thirsty-Worship Wednesday

2011-07-27T09:46:00.003-04:00

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed away
In the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep

We sing....

Come Lord Jesus come (x3)
Holy Spirit come (x3)
As deep cries out to deep (x2)

Favorite one

2011-07-25T09:36:00.006-04:00

Do you believe that you are God's favorite? I heard this song and it reminded me that I am God's favorite. The mystery of Heaven is that you are his favorite, too.

I have a plaque that says that If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If I believe God loves me and He loves you there is no jealousy. I am loved with an everlasting love and so are you. I have gifts and talents that God has given me and He has given you different ones. I can be united with you in love. I can support you in love to become all God has created you to be.

How would you walk around and interact with others in this world if you believed in your heart that you were God's favorite one? For me, it frees me to love others and not compete with them. I am the favorite and so are you. No competition for His love. I already have it and so do you.

The challenge is walking this out. Walking through this life loved can be difficult. The messages that are sent out through media and some even by our significant others is that "you are not enough", "you don't do enough" and "you don't have enough". It is amazing what people will risk and pay in time, energy and resources to obtain the world's elusive acceptance. Over and over you see people fall into this trap of the enemy. It never ends well. This path always ends in destruction.

God's messages are in total conflict with the world's messages. He says you are enough, have enough, and you don't have to earn my love or salvation.

It is a free gift!

He gives us what we don't deserve and we don't have to earn it.... Just receive it.

This is where humans get tripped up. The Good news(Gospel) is that Christ paid for it all! No more striving, trying, or working to gain "favorite" status.

July 30 is Dr. T's birthday. He was the closest person I have ever met who walked this out and He blessed me with this gift. I always felt like I was his favorite when I was with him. I would do anything for him because of it. He made me feel so special and I cry when I think of even now.

I was a lonely, broken, unwanted little girl and God loved me through Dr. T. not because I earned it. He did it.....just because He is LOVE and He loved me.

I will spend my life reaching out to tell others about this pearl of great price that I have found.

Blessings,
Tammy

----------------------------------------------------------

Jesus,
Here I am your favorite one
What are You thinking, what are You feeling?
I have to know

For I'm after Your heart
I'm after Your heart
I am after You

And I'll crown You with my love.

Jesus,
Here I am your favorite one
What are You thinking, what are You feeling?
I have to know

For I'm after Your heart
I'm after Your heart
I am after You

You know that I,
Than Im after Your heart
I'm after Your heart
I am after You

Dance Your Shoes Off

2011-07-19T09:50:00.002-04:00

I wonder if this makes God's heart smile....His children dancing their shoes off in celebration of Him? It made me smile and have tears of joy flowing down my cheeks.

I did two treatments last week back to back and have not felt alot like dancing. This video lifted my spirit...hope it lifts yours. :)

Blessings,
Tammy

------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a celebration
We are calling out to every nation
To spread the word that Jesus is Alive
His Resurrection is our freedom

To every heart, tongue, and tribe
We will dance for the one who shines brighter than the sun
We lift our eyes up.....and rise up

We will rise up!

He's alive, he's alive inside us
We will rise up.
We claim the victory,
He won on Calvary.
Celebrate the King of Glory
So Rise Up
People of the Lord....Rise up!

We are filled with Holy Fire
Lifting His Name is our desire
By this we know His Spirit is in this place
Let nothing stand between us
We carry the love that has redeemed us

His love abundantly given to us in grace

We will dance for the one who shines brighter than the sun

Lift your eyes up...and rise up!

He's alive, he's alive inside us
We will rise up.
We claim the victory,
He won on Calvary.
Celebrate the King of Glory
So Rise Up
People of the Lord....Rise up!

We will dance for the one who shines brighter than the sun
We lift our eyes up.....and rise up

We will rise up!

He's alive, he's alive inside us
We will rise up.
We claim the victory,
He won on Calvary.
Celebrate the King of Glory
So Rise Up
People of the Lord....Rise up!
People of the Lord....Rise up!
People of the Lord....Rise up!

Here With Me Now

2011-07-17T22:24:00.002-04:00

Just knowing that you're here with me now
It changes everything
It changes everything

Cause I thought that I had to make it on my own
But you stopped that and claimed me as your own
I thought that I had to make it on my own
You stopped that and called me Yours
You called me Yours

Just knowing that you're here with me now
It changes everything
Just knowing that you're here with me now
It changes everything

Living water- Sunday Worship

2011-07-16T22:01:00.001-04:00

Merciful Savior
Hold on to me
I’m lost without You
So prone to wander
I need to be
Ever near to You

Oh how I long
Oh how I thirst
For living water
Living water
Oh plant my soul
By the stream
Of living water
Living water

I’ve know the emptiness
Sorrow and doubt
Lonely and dry lands
Heavenly fountain
Come rain on this drought
Generous Father

Wash me
Fill me
Nothing else could satisfy

On the Road to Beautiful- Sunday Worship Prayer

2011-07-03T05:41:00.002-04:00

I crumble at Your kiss and grace
I'm a weakling in the dust
Teach me how to cling to You
With all my life and all my love

Father come to me, hold me up 'cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short, I can't reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing

And on the road to beautiful
My seasons always change
But my life is spent on loving You
To know You in Your power and pain

You're my portion in this life
You're my strength now in my fight
And to You I pledge my heart
In the pain and in the dark I'll love You
I'll love You, I'll love You

I'll love You...

This Is Freedom

2011-07-01T17:55:00.004-04:00

I heard this song by Justin Unger today and it made me think about how many people have given life and limb for my freedom since the Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4th, 1776.

For the last two years I have been learning more about the history of our country... sadly for the first time. I don't know if I was absent when it was taught in school or they just did not teach in detail. I have learned alot from a man named David Barton from wallbuilders.com. From my savior Jesus Christ, to the current military serving our country, I have much to be grateful for.

I have freedom to live, love, worship my God, in a country that is free from tyranny.

Blessings,
Tammy

----------------------------------------------------------------------
This is Freedom by Justin Unger

The red is for the blood that flows, in places we've forgotten
The white resembles innocence, in some ways we've been lost in
The blue it stands for vigilance and holding fast to righteousness or have we lost our way?
The stars are for the memory, the glory and the victory where proudly we can say
Oh, this is freedom
This is freedom

Where strength and confidence collide, along the straight and narrow
When peace is found in sacrifice, by patriots and heroes
Where grace abounds and evil dies, truth resounds above the lies,
It's only found one way and here we are today
This is freedom
Freedom
Oh

This rock we stand upon,
One nation under God,
This truth we can't ignore
This is freedom

A home that speaks of liberty, beyond our institutions
If this is a reality, then where are the solutions?
A place that we can stand and sing, the worship of our risen king without regret or shame
The hope of life eternally, we hold a light for all to see without a guilt or blame
It's what we claim, oh
This is freedom
This is freedom
This is freedom, this is freedom

Even though the fight is long, the enemy may wound us
The stripes are for the rays of hope, that never cease to lead us
Guide us home, this is freedom

Shame and Secrets

2011-06-26T17:30:00.004-04:00

My Summer Detox break was a little shorter than I thought...... I am feeling stronger and stronger every time I do a chelation treatment. I am so grateful to God for healing me.

I heard this song on the radio the other day and I began to think about how God has healed and set me free through sharing my shame and secrets with "safe" others. I remember the first time I told someone one of my deepest, darkest secrets and they did not run out of the room. They actually said they had experienced similar things. It was a relief to begin to let the secrets out.

In my family, growing up, there were secrets and shame on both sides of my parent's family tree. I know there are some that I still don't know. When I found out what my Father had suffered through, many things made sense. He told me that his Dad had a mental breakdown. My Dad's Mother was rejected by her own father and sent to live somewhere else after her mother died when she was a young girl.

So, I had parents that had shameful incidents happen to them. So, the shame was passed onto me. I remember having a vague sense of shame about myself. Like something was flawed about me. Then when I was young (around 8 years old) I was exposed to pornography. The shame began to increase with my those experiences and began to be compounded by my own actions. Shame begets shame. I don't think people realize what being exposed to material that a child cannot process developmentally does to their little soul.

From there, I did not think I was worth much so I tried to attract attention from boys in my teenage years. I allowed myself to be used because for a brief moment I did not feel worthless. The next day the shame would roll in like a black cloud and the cycle would start again. I also began to develop something called exercise bulimia. I would overeat to comfort my emotional pain and then compulsively exercise for hours every night.

Why do I share these secrets about myself...... because I am just like you. The person reading this. We all have family secrets and family shame. The more perfect the family looks in my experience the more they are trying to hide. Perfectionism develops to cover shame.

We are all in this together. As the song says, We walk, we crawl, we rise, we fall....together.

There are none righteous....not one.

Lately, I have been going through some physical trials and all of my readers and visitors have been helping me through. If you are carrying shame and have secrets, I encourage you to reach out on the blogs or find one trusted person to talk to. You don't have to hide anymore. You are not alone.

Blessings,
Tammy

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Secrets by the door to your freedom
They'll serve you like a ball and chain
But tell them and you'll find you can breathe again
It might take walkin' through some pain
Don't let fear keep you from leting it go
It's hard it first to let people know
All the shame you have weathered you're not lone no no no.

We're in this together, together is better
We run we crawl, we stand we fall
We share it all.

There are no lone rangers and there are no cast aways
We all need to be loved and you are in danger
you're just playin with fire trying to win the war all alone
don't let hurt keep it you trying again
take a chance on letting somebody else in

We're in this together, together is better
We run we crawl, we stand. we fall
We share it all.

Don't miss out on grace
Found in His embrace
We're the hands and feet of Him who
Says we're stronger together
Let's do this together ohhh ohh oh.

Don't you know that we run, we crawl, we stand, we fall
We share it all....TOGETHER

Summer Detox Break

2011-06-17T08:09:00.002-04:00

In life, I am realizing that my life is measured out in seasons. I am sensing that God wants me to take a season off from blogging. I will still be commenting on other's blogs. I just finished my eighth round of detox and am seeing a light at the end of this tunnel. I am feeling stronger, but the rounds take alot out of me. This song encouraged me. Hope it will encourage anyone who is in the middle of a trial.

Blessings,
Tammy

-------------------------------------------------------------

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

Waiting for the sunrise
Waiting for the day
Waiting for a sign
That I’m where you want me to be

You know my heart is heavy
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You’re reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

I know I’m not perfect
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But you love me the same

And when I’m surrounded
When I lose my way
When I’m crying out and falling down
You are here to

Lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love
With your love
I don’t know what I can offer
In this moment I surrender to your love
To your love

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

Your Great Name- Sunday Worship

2011-06-12T09:40:00.003-04:00

Lost are saved; find their way; at the sound of your Great Name
All condemned; feel no shame, at the sound of your Great Name
Every fear; has no place; at the sound of your Great Name
The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of your Great Name

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; that all the world will praise your Great Name

All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of your Great Name
Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of your Great Name
The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of your Great Name
Sick are healed; and the dead are raised; at the sound of your Great Name

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; that all the world will praise your Great Name

Redeemer, My Healer, Almighty
My Savior, Defender, You are My King

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; that all the world will praise your Great Name

There is a Time

2011-06-07T08:14:00.007-04:00

Since last Monday, I have felt well. It is amazing to actually have energy again. I felt well enough to attend two worship services over the weekend. When I heard this song it made me think of the last six months of this intense physical trial that I have been through.

This morning I went to the beach to watch the sunset. It is beautiful there and I sense God's Glory all around me. There is a little voice in my Spirit crying out, "I want to live!" The interesting thing about losing my energy and getting it back little by little is that it has increased my appreciation and thankfulness for the smallest pleasures in life that I took for granted before.

I read this passage in my Jesus Calling devotional this morning......

I AM ALL AROUND YOU, like a cocoon of Light. My Presence with you is a promise, independent of your awareness of me.

This sentence was striking to me because my last post was all about me feeling like I was in a dark cocoon and how dark it felt in there. God was speaking through this letting me know He is there even if in the times I can't sense or feel him. I will have more times of darkness as I walk through this journey of physical healing. This sentence will be a good reminder that He is with me if I am in the depths of physical suffering or dancing for Joy as I worship Him.

Blessings,
Tammy

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Ecclesiastes- Tim Hughes

There's a time for tears
And a time to dance
There's a time to let go
And a time for romance
There's a time for war
And a time for peace
There's a time to embrace
And a time to release

Oh my Lord I need to find
Take my hand and I will follow

There's a time for love
And a time to hate
All the evil choices that we make
There's a time to rise
And a time to fall
It's a time to keep
Or just throw at all

Now is the time for singing...........

Your love in every breathe I take
In every step I make
Your love will shine on me

Let Your Light Shine-Sunday Worship

2011-06-05T05:54:00.000-04:00

Dance- Friday Worship

2011-06-03T13:12:00.000-04:00

I Lift My Hands (Let Faith Arise) - Friday Worship

2011-06-03T12:42:00.002-04:00

Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are a fortress for the weak

Let faith arise
Let faith arise

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever

Be still, there is a river
That flows from Calvary's tree
A fountain for the thirsty
Pure grace that washes over me

So let faith arise
Let faith arise
Open my eyes
Open my eyes

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God
You are faithful, God, forever

Chrysalis

2011-06-01T08:27:00.010-04:00

I am a caterpillar. The leaves I eat taste bitter. But dimly I sense a great change coming. What I offer you humans is my willingness to dissolve and transform. I do that without knowing what the end-result will be. Joanna Macy, John Seed, Pat Flemming, Arne Moss

Last November, I started a journey with God to bring healing to my body. I have been suffering for about twenty years with various physical symptoms that no doctor could ever fix. I feel like the woman in the Bible with the issue of blood. She spent so much time and money and had nothing to show for it.

When I was in my twenties, one of my mercury (amalgam) filled fillings cracked. I had eight of these fillings in my mouth. Because I was struggling financially, I never had it pulled out. I just ate on the other side for a few years until I had a job that had dental insurance. Slowly my health began to deteriorate. I did not connect the two. I started having horrendous pain and cramps during my menstrual cycle. I mean to the point I would vomit from the pain and be laid out on the couch when I had my menstrual cycle. I became allergic to everything. My nose would drain for hours when I woke up. I became very tired at twenty-one years old. I learned to manage. I was a vibrant, energetic young girl and then slowly over the years my life began to drain away.

By my thirties, I could only work part-time barely. Thank God my husband was working and could support us. I went back to get my Master's degree online. I am amazed I did it. I could do it at my own pace so I it worked. It took me about five or six years to complete a two year degree.

So, in 2005, suspecting that the fillings were affecting my health, I had my fillings taken out by a very specific dentist who treated these fillings like the toxic material they were. It was a brutal process. I felt like a jack hammer was living in my mouth for eight hours. I did it in two visits.

I started to get a little better, but still was fatigued all the time. My body was broken down by all the years and all the mercury that had seeped into my body and my brain.

Last November, after having the flu for six weeks I went to a MD who specialized in natural medicine. He tested me for heavy metals and the test was positive for lead and mercury. Something clicked in my brain that this is really what is wrong with me. I began the journey of detoxing this out of my body through Andy Cutler's protocol. I had his book for a few years, but wasn't willing to commit to the program. It involves waking up a couple times during the night to take doses of the medication. Maybe it just wasn't time yet.

So, in March, I started the program that will take a year or two to complete. I knew it would be hard, but it has brought me to the end of myself. The last few months have been brutal. I went from a "joyful" worshipping girl to the depths of depression. As the mercury comes out it has been hard on my Spirit, Mind, and Body.

I have been reading a book called, "The Heart that Waits" by Sue Monk Kidd. Through reading this book, God is revealing many things to me. She describes her journey of "becoming" who God had created her to be in this book. The symbol she uses in her journey is the butterfly.

It is the same process God has used with me in my emotional and spiritual healing. My favorite symbol is the butterfly. I have butterflies on pictures in my office, on jewlery, and I see them everywhere. The surprising part is that I mistakenly thought that once you go through the process and become a butterfly, then the process is over. Yesterday, I read this part in the book. I was thinking about this and God answered my question. I kept thinking that somehow I was going through another metamorphosis, but how could I? I had already done that, right? The butterfly only does it once.

Then I read this paragraph....

The life of the soul evolves and grows as we move through these life cycles. The process isn't a one time process but a spiraling journey that we undertake throughout life. Life is full of cocoons. We die and are reborn again and again. By repeatedly entering the spiral of separation, transformation, and emergence, we're brought closer each time to wholeness and the True Self.

I sense that since March I have entered the cocoon. It feels dark. I have a hard time connecting with God. It is a disorienting experience. It has forced me to trust God like never before. I can imagine what the little caterpillar feels like. He was walking around climbing trees, feeling the sun on his little face, playing with his little caterpillar friends. Then one day He is summoned to the cocoon. So, he begins spinning the cocoon and then it is dark for along time. That is how I feel. It is a time of waiting in the dark.

I know there are things happening in this dark place. Some known and some unknown. My wings are being formed into more beautiful wings. They are growing larger, able to fly to more heights of freedom. I am believing and starting to see glimpses of what they will look like. I believe that God is restoring my health. I am feeling stronger some days. My brain fog is getting better sometimes. My mind feels crisper sometimes. This might sound strange, but colors seems brighter.
Life used to be so dull and gray to me.

I went to the beach Monday and Tuesday. This is what my wings will look like. I will be able to enjoy life with energy again. To experience the Glory of God in the earth in it's fullness. When I was looking at the ocean yesterday it was majestic.

I am still in the cocoon, but I can see some glimmers of light coming through some small cracks through the walls.

Blessings,
Tammy

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You are shaking everything that can be shaken.
You are changing everything.
One, two, three...

You are changing everything.
Three is the magic number.
You are changing everything in me.
There You go again breathing on me...
One more time breathing on me...
Deeper now breathing on me...

You're changing everything.
You are changing everything,
Everything that can be shaken.
You are changing everything.
Let Your glory come down.
Let Your glory come down over me.
Let Your glory come down.

Victory is the name of the groom.
Purity is the name of the bride.
And freedom is the name of the Son.
The new child!

There You go again breaking three times.
O God You're shaking everything that can be shaken.
Your glory remains, freedom!

You are victorious!
And You 're purifying everything in us!
There is a new child coming!
There's a new child coming!

Freedom not just a thought that we hold onto.
Freedom not just a desire of our hearts.
But freedom with the understanding of Your victory!
And us breathing purity!
Real freedom! Real freedom!
Real freedom is coming O God!

Til the ground until its ready!
Till the ground in me til its ready!
Till the ground in me until its ready!
Water, water, water!
Till the ground in me til its ready!

Let Your glory come down.
Your glory will go to the nations!
You are changing the face of the church!
Your glory of Your name!
Purify! Bring Your freedom!
Let Your glory come down.
Let Your glory and honor!
So much more than words!
Let it fall on us.
Let Your glory and honor come.
Let You breath again on me.

God Unchanging- Thursday Praise

2011-05-26T10:58:00.000-04:00

You have shown time and again
Your forgiveness never ends
Your unfailing love from generation to generation

You are faithful Lord to stay and Your mercy will not fade
You are glorious from generation to generation

Chorus
God unchanging life unfading
Grace unending there is none like You
God unchanging life unfading
Grace unending there is none like You
Oh none compares with you, God

Now we give our praise to you
Holy hands are lifted to
Join a song that echoes from the heavens through the ages
Voices raised to share Your name
Yesterday today the same
All the saints proclaiming Your salvation to every nation

Chorus

We are desperate God for Your glory
We are changed Lord God in your presence

Come Ye Sinners Poor and Needy

2011-05-25T08:48:00.001-04:00

I just finished another round of detox. I am seeing improvements so I will continue, but it a difficult journey I am on. I have been listening to this song for a week now. It is comforting to my weary soul. Especially this part,

"Come, ye sinners, poor and needy, weak and wounded, sick and sore."

Yep, this decribed how I feel to a tee.

The hopeful part in the song that I am holding onto is

"I will arise and go to Jesus, He will embrace me in His Arms, In the arms of my dear Saviour there are ten thousand charms."

Blessings,
Tammy

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Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,
Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus ready stands to save you,
Full of pity, love and pow’r.

Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome,
God’s free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.

Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all.

View Him prostrate in the garden;
On the ground your Maker lies;
On the bloody tree behold Him;
Sinner, will this not suffice?

Lo! th’ incarnate God ascended,
Pleads the merit of His blood:
Venture on Him, venture wholly,
Let no other trust intrude.

Let not conscience make you linger,
Not of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him.

I will arise and go to Jesus,
He will embrace me in His arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
Oh, there are ten thousand charms.

The Holy Spirit of God- The Comforter

2011-05-22T09:24:00.002-04:00

I found this video and it reminded me through the scriptures and pictures that The Holy Spirit is with me in my weakness as I walk through this journey. I pray that it will bless you today.

So too the Holy Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance. Romans 8:26 (Amplified Bible)

Blessings,
Tammy

Detox Break

2011-05-15T15:04:00.002-04:00

I am going to be taking a break from posting for a little while I continue detoxing.

Blessings,
Tammy

Awakened Heart

2011-05-04T08:57:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, I heard a program where another therapist, Ray Cane, was talking about healthy attachments with God, ourselves, and others. He said something that I really believe. If we don't transform our pain, we transmit it onto ourselves and others. It can come in the form of self-rejection and rejection of others.

That is a powerful statement! He said we even transmit our unresolved pain onto our Heavenly Father. We see and subsequently relate to God through the eyes of our pain. In my case I felt rejected by my earthly Father growing up so I distanced myself from God as my Father. I was afraid that I would be rejected by Him too.

My journey has involved the pain of rejection. Rejection was a theme in my family tree. It is also a theme in my husband's family tree. So, in the early years of my marriage there was alot of transmission going on between my husband and I. If God was not involved in our lives, I believe the wires may have blown up and we may have separated for good.

I am grateful to God that I held on to Him (sometimes by a thread) crying on the bathroom floor. Through this process I received the blessing. The blessing of acceptance of who I am. The blessing replaced the curse of rejection that was etched on my soul. Dr. T.(my Spiritual Dad) shepherded my soul wound. It was so deep and painful. It was so infected. He carefully tended it through his warmth and unconditional love. It took time to heal.

Many people who come in for counseling with me want a quick fix. There is no quick fix. God invites us to be transformed through His Love.

This quote from John Eldridge describes the process;

With an awakened heart, we turn and face the road ahead, knowing that no one can take the trip for us, nor can anyone plan our way.

The question is, "Are you willing to take the first step and begin your journey?"

Blessings,
Tammy

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So much of the journey forward involves a letting go of all that once brought us life. We turn away from the familiar abiding places of the heart, the false selves we have lived out, the strengths we have used to make a place for ourselves and all our false loves, and we venture forth in our hearts to trace the steps of the One who said, "Follow me."

In a way, it means that we stop pretending: that life is better than it is, that we are happier than we are, that the false selves we present to the world are really us.

We respond to the Haunting, the wooing, the longing for another life.

Pilgrim begins his adventure toward redemption with a twofold turning: a turning away from attachment and a turning toward desire.

He wanted life and so he stuck his fingers in his ears and ran like a madman ("a fool," to use Paul's term) in search of it.

The freedom of heart needed to journey comes in the form of detachment.

As Gerald May writes in Addiction and Grace,

Detachment is the word used in spiritual traditions to describe freedom of desire. Not freedom from desire, but freedom of desire . . . An authentic spiritual understanding of detachment devalues neither desire nor the objects of desire. Instead, it "aims at correcting one's own anxious grasping in order to free oneself for committed relationship to God." According to Meister Eckhart, detachment "enkindles the heart, awakens the spirit, stimulates our longings, and shows us where God is."

With an awakened heart, we turn and face the road ahead, knowing that no one can take the trip for us, nor can anyone plan our way.

(The Sacred Romance , 149) John Eldridge

Something More

2011-05-02T06:33:00.009-04:00

The last week has been challenging physically, but I sense the dark clouds of mercury toxicity being pushed back every time I do a treatment. I am on treatment #6. I may be posting sporadically for awhile because the treatments affect my brain and it is hard to write on a consistent basis.

Yesterday, I watched the Beatification of Pope John Paul II. It was a beautiful service to God and to Him. As I watched, I learned about the man that they were honoring. One of the comments that a priest made was how much Pope John Paul II loved God, loved others, and loved life. At the end of His life, when He was stricken with Parkinson's disease, the priest continued by saying that He also suffered and died well. He used His suffering to press into his relationship with Christ even more. He did not retire when He was sick. He chose to continue to serve and love others. He let others see his human frailty and deep dependence on God. He glorified and praised God throughout His whole life. Through the good times and the bad times.

I am praying that God will give me the strength as I walk this difficult journey of detoxing heavy metals. It is an up and down process. It is hard to describe how taxing it is on my whole being. Sometimes I want to quit and not do it anymore, but I am trying to keep the finish line of gaining my life back in view. I feel like I am a 1/4 of the way through. I will probably need to do at least 25 treatments to be totally well.

I heard this song yesterday. The words were like water to my thirsty soul.

Blessings,
Tammy

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Everything's changed and I want to believe
There must be a reason there just has to be
Cause my faith is strong till it all hits home
And it's not enough for me to trust
When it hurts too much

On the days I feel like I've failed you
The days I feel I've been failed
I need to praise You
For I am Yours I'm Yours

Where is the power to give what I gave
Give back the strength
Give back the faith I had yesterday
Cause you are my God
You are my Great I Am
And I know I have fallen but..
I have landed in healing hands

On the days I feel like I've failed you
The days I feel I've been failed
I need to praise You
For I am Yours I'm Yours

And In my fraility you lead me to something more
So I close my eyes cause inside my heart
I believe that I'm not alone
You'll always be there for me

On the days I feel like I've failed you
The days I feel I've been failed
I know that I need to praise You
For I am yours still yours
Cause I believe you lead me to something more

Something more something more..."

How Great Thou Art- Tuesday Worship

2011-04-26T15:03:00.002-04:00
By Carrie Underwood and Vince Gill

She is beautiful inside and out.....

May this bless you today.

Tammy

"Lord You're Holy"

2011-04-24T05:38:00.003-04:00

Lord you’re holy, Lord you’re holy and we lift you up and magnify your name (twice)

I look around and I see, all the works your hands have made, the awesomeness of you, and how your love will never fade, mere words cannot express what I feel inside, I can’t describe your glory divine, but as a token of my love, this is what I’ll do, I lift my hands and cry, Lord

Lord you’re holy, Lord you’re holy and we lift you up and magnify your name (twice)

There’s not enough words that I can say, to tell you how much, I appreciate, all the wonderful things, you’ve given me, your love and kindness, your tender mercies,

Choir: It’s my desire, to praise you
Lead: I want to praise you Lord
And to tell you how much, I love you
Cause you’re worthy of all, all the glory

Choir: You’re worthy of all, the praise

And you’re worthy of all the praise, I don’t know why you would love me, why you would show me, so much mercy, why you would suffer, and die for me, way back, way back, on Calvary, but I

But I, I thank you I thank you, somebody help me thank him
Choir: I thank you Jesus, I thank you Lord I thank you
My heart cries thank you, and I give you all…. the praise……

Wonderful, Glorious, Holy and Righteous, Victorious, Conqueror, Triumphant and Mighty, Healer, Deliver, Shield and Defense, Strong Tower and My Best Friend, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Soon Coming King, Alpha, Omega, Lord of Everything

Holy, Holy, Holy is your name
Wonderful, Glorious, Holy and Righteous

Victorious, Conqueror, Triumphant and Mighty

Healer, Deliver, Shield and Defense

Strong Tower and My Best Friend, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Soon Coming King, Alpha, Omega, Lord of Everything

Holy, Holy, Holy is your name…………………………

Wonderful, Glorious, Holy and Righteous, Victorious, Conqueror, Triumphant and Mighty, Healer, Deliver, Shield and Defense, Strong Tower and My Best Friend, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Soon Coming King, Alpha, Omega, Lord of Everything
Holy, Holy, Holy is your name…………………………

Holy
My God is Holy
Holy
The Angels cry Holy
Holy is your name………………………………………...Holy
My heart cries Holy
Holy
So Holy, Holy, Holy is your name……………………….
Holy is your name……………………………………………………

In One Glorious Moment

2011-04-22T08:31:00.004-04:00

This is amazing...I wept watching this. So beautiful. God is rebuilding the His Temple of Praise all around the world....

Happy Resurrection Day everyone!

Blessings,
Tammy

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Lyrics

That day will be remembered as the greatest day in history
The fate of the world changed in one glorious moment
When Life triumphed on Resurrection Sunday

The hope of a people searching for life
The day will be brighter
The message of freedom rings in the sky
Spreading the fire

The flag of a nation ready to fly
Taking them higher
The heart of a land that rises to fight
Full of desire

When nothing is as you want it to be
Look up to heaven
Freedom was paid for on Calvary
The chain is broken
Making a way right to destiny

Borders are open
And Jesus has granted the victory
That Sunday mornin

Joy in this life time, utterly free
More than the world gives, beyond what you see
For nations its time to rise their hope is in Jesus Christ
If the giants come, just hold on, the advantage is now on your side
Jesus, will take the final fight

A light dawned that Sunday Morning it broke through the boundaries of time
Hearts start shining, calling to all mankind
Lets celebrate eternal life

When nothing is as you want it to be
Look up to heaven
Freedom was paid for on Calvary
The chain is broken
Making a way right to destiny
Borders are open
And Jesus has granted the victory
That Sunday mornin

Joy in this life time, utterly free
More than the world gives, beyond what you see
For nations its time to rise their hope is in Jesus Christ
If the giants come, just hold on, the advantage is now on your side
Jesus, will take the final fight

A light dawned that Sunday Morning it broke through the boundaries of time
Hearts start shining, calling to all mankind
Lets celebrate eternal life

When something in you, says youre not through, something whispers, you need to go too
you say that things just cant stay this way, your heart is calling may day may day
world is just trouble, get out of your muddle, jump, nows the time, take your chance on the double.
Leave it behind, youll see you wont mind, once you meet Jesus the answer youll find
Dont google your noodle, or consult your poodle, just follow your heart and it will be super
Wake up, see the light, find new life in His life, with Him in sight He'll take you to new heights
The rescues begun, now Someones come, be looking to the sky but not for Air Force One
The way out is up; up up and away, with Jesus today is Independence day

Hearts start shining, calling to all mankind
Lets celebrate eternal life
A light dawned that Sunday Morning it broke through the boundaries of time
Hearts start shining, calling to all mankind
Lets celebrate
Lets celebrate
Lets celebrate eternal life

Your Truest Self

2011-04-20T06:41:00.008-04:00

Then from on high-somewhere in the distance there's a voice that calls-remember who you are. If you lose yourself-your courage soon will follow.(Gavin Greenaway and Trevor Horn, Sound the Bugle)

This line in the devotional jumped out at me this morning. Who am I? Such a daunting question to ask yourself. Are you living life from your truest self? What are the masks that you hide behind? The pleaser, the martyr, the rebel, the perfect Christian wife or husband.

The voices around us encourage the masks. Don't speak, Don't trust, Don't feel. Don't color outside the lines.

For me, I have been on a journey with God to reclaim my truest self. It started when I was in my early thirties and continues now into my forties. To shed the masks that I was given as a child.

For anyone new to my blog, I grew up in a home afflicted with alcoholism. I learned my parts well. I was the hero. I was the first born. I wore the mask of perfectionism for years. It has taken years to dismantle that one. Sometimes when I am around people who are wearing that mask it tries to crawl back on.

I say "NO" in a loud voice. I will not live under that stranglehold anymore. Nothing can suck the life out of a person like having to be perfect. I am free. Free to live, dance, hope, and have a messy house. I am a human being. I am loved by God the same when my hair is messy or perfect. Hallelujah!

So, the question is.... are you on a quest toward your truest self or on the path toward the dungeon of pleasing, perfectionism, or martyrdom? Is God calling you toward who He created you to be? Does this calling evoke fear in your heart?

I was afraid and still am sometimes to step out and live from my truest self. People will be offended when you start to walk it out. They will try to force you back into your role. You may lose some friends and loved ones. But, God will be smiling over you as you embark on this sacred journey to reclaim who you were really created to be.... shining the glory of God through your life.

Blessings,
Tammy

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Your Truest Self by John Eldridge

Then from on high-somewhere in the distance there's a voice that calls-remember who you are. If you lose yourself-your courage soon will follow.(Gavin Greenaway and Trevor Horn, Sound the Bugle)

You are going to need your whole heart in all its glory for this Story you've fallen into. So, who did God mean when he meant you? We at least know this: we know that we are not what we were meant to be. Most of us spend our energy trying to hide that fact, through all the veils we put on and the false selves we create. Far better to spend our energy trying to recover the image of God and unveil it for his glory. One means that will help us is any story that helps us see with the eyes of the heart.

To live with an unmasked, unveiled glory that reflects the glory of the Lord? That's worth fighting for.

The disciples of Jesus were all characters. Take James and John, for instance, "the sons of Zebedee." You might remember them as the ones who cornered Jesus to angle for the choice seats at his right and left hands in the kingdom. Or the time they wanted to call down fire from heaven to destroy a village that wouldn't offer Jesus a place for the night. Their buddies called them idiots; Jesus called them the Sons of Thunder (Mark 3:17).

He saw who they really were. It's their mythic name, their true identity. They looked like fishermen out of work; they were actually the Sons of Thunder.

(Waking the Dead , 82-83)

Hope and Trust Rooted in God

2011-04-19T08:29:00.009-04:00

Do I trust God with my Life? Over the last month it has been difficult to trust God when I have walked the road of suffering. Is He the same God in the valley as He is on the mountain? That is the question to be contemplated.

I heard Jason Upton say that it hurts him every time He says "You are the God and I am the man". Dying to my plan and trusting God's plan for me is difficult.

Oh God, help me trust you! Your ways are higher than mine. Help me surrender to your plan for my life. Help me rest in your plan for me.

Blessings,
Tammy

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NACR Meditation

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Hope is about the future. It may be oriented to the next hour, or the next day, or the next month or year or decade.

But hope is always about anticipation.

Those of us who like to control things often find hope difficult because we do not control the future. Many of us are compulsive makers-of-plans. We are willing to work ourselves to death trying to make our plans become reality. But when our hopes and vision for the future are based only on what we can control, our vision is inevitably narrowed and impoverished.

We need to remind ourselves regularly, therefore, that God's vision for the future is better than our own.

God sees possibilities and opportunities that we cannot see. The horizons of God's imagination are not bounded. When we root our hope in God, a totally different future is possible. It is not a future we can control. God's plans may not be the same as our plans. But we can return again and again to God as our source of hope.

God has been clear about our future. It is God's intention to give us a hope and a future.

This is not a promise of a trouble-free life. It is not a promise of immunity from struggle.

But it is a promise of hope.

Copyright Juanita and Dale Ryan

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Poverty-Jason Upton

There’s a power in poverty that breaks principalities
And brings the authority’s down to their knees
There’s a brewing frustration and ageless temptation
To fight for control by some manipulation

But the God of the Kingdoms and the God of the Nations
The God of creation sends this revelation
Thru the homeless and penniless Jesus the son
The poor will inherit the Kingdom to come

Where will we turn when our world falls apart,
And all of the treasures we’ve stored in our barns
Can’t buy the Kingdom of God?

Who will we praise when we’ve praised all our lives
Men who build Kingdoms and men who build fame
but heaven does not know their names?
What will we fear when all that remains

Is God on His throne, with a child in his arms, and love in his eyes

And the sound of His heart cries?

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No Sacrifice- Jason Upton

To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to
To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life

To you I give the gifts
Your love has given me
How can I hoard the treasures that you've designed for free?

Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is staronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life

To you I give my future
As long as it may last
To you I give my present
To you I give my past

Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life

Why Should I Be Afraid- Sunday Worship

2011-04-17T18:09:00.001-04:00

I was blessed to attend a Paul Wilbur worship service Friday night and Saturday afternoon. I danced and worshipped with many God's children. It was amazing. God filled me with the fullness of His Joy.

This is one of his new songs. It is very encouraging in these times where the world seems like it is going crazy.

Blessings,
Tammy

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Why Should I Be Afraid- Paul Wilbur

The Lord is my light and my salvation why should I be afraid
Whoa whoa oh
The Lord is my strength and my strong tower why should I be afraid
Whoa whoa oh
He will hide me in His sanctuary in the day of war
And I will stand and see the victory for the battle is the Lord's
Oh oh oh

The Lord is my help in times of trouble why should I be afraid
Whoa whoa oh
He will hide me in His sanctuary in the day of war
And I will stand and see the victory for the battle is the Lordâ€™s
Oh oh oh

And high above my enemies Iâ€™ll stand and shout the victory
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Be Thou My Vision- Friday Worship

2011-04-15T16:08:00.003-04:00

This background about St. Patrick was given with the video....May it bless you as you read it.

Blessings,
Tammy

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Fire glowed against the visage of St. Patrick as he lit yet another candle in the dark Irish churchyard on Slane Hill. The fire reminded him of Christ, Redeemer and light of his life.

Opposite the churchyard was Tara, where resided the pagan High King Lóegaire-- the man who outlawed candles in Ireland. But it was the eve of Easter, 433 A.D. and St. Patrick was determined to glorify God that night.

And thus began the hymn.

"Therefore, on that day when I was rebuked, as I have just mentioned, I saw in a vision of the night a document before my face, without honour, and meanwhile I heard a divine prophecy, saying to me: 'We have seen with displeasure the face of the chosen one divested of name.' And he did not say 'You have seen with displeasure', but 'We have seen with displeasure' (as if He included Himself). He said then: 'He who touches you, touches the apple of my eye.'"-- Saint Patrick

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my souls Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor mans empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heavens joys, O bright Heavens Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Soul Rest

2011-04-14T08:05:00.005-04:00

Have you ever met anyone who is just settled? You sense the rest in their soul. They are not rushing. They are not running around in their life. They are at peace with themselves, God, and others. They know that God is big and they are small. They are the creature and He is the creator. They have let go of people, places, and situations in which they have no control.

They walk in a profound peace and contentment through their life. Just being in their presence settles your Spirit. I have only met two people like this in my life. My first Sponsor Margie and Dr. T. When I was in their presence they made me feel valuable and special. The most important thing they had to do when they were with me was to connect with my heart.

I sense God is teaching me about this "soul rest" right now. I want to trust God with my time, with each day..... with each moment. The following paragraph really spoke to my Spirit this morning. I want to be so rested in God that "it sinks down to my soul".

But the heavy burdens, the weariness are not God's plan for us. God's burden is light. God's plan for us is not exhaustion but soul rest. God wants us to be so rested that it sinks down to the foundations of our person. God wants us to be rested down to our souls. In rest we find that many of the burdens of life do not belong to us. We find the freedom to give back to God those things over which we have no control.

Blessings,
Tammy

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"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

God desires to give us rest. But we resist this gift. No matter how badly we may want to rest, it is not an easy gift to receive. We may be weary. We may be burdened. But we are good at minimizing and avoiding our needs. As soon as we get this next task done, then we will rest. As soon as there's time for it, then we will rest. We want to rest, but we have to work real hard to make time for resting and then when we're back at work we will need to work real hard to make up for the 'lost' time.

While we resist the gift of rest, many of us welcome burdens. We find it easier to believe that burdens are the gift God really wants to give us. We will welcome a difficult mission from God, a task, a challenge.

We welcome the opportunity to wear ourselves out in ministry.

But the heavy burdens, the weariness are not God's plan for us. God's burden is light. God's plan for us is not exhaustion but soul rest.God wants us to be so rested that it sinks down to the foundations of our person. God wants us to be rested down to our souls. In rest we find that many of the burdens of life do not belong to us.We find the freedom to give back to God those things over which we have no control.

Give me the courage to come and receive from you, Lord.
Burdens weigh heavy on my soul.
Give me the courage to come and receive from you, Lord.
My restless soul longs for you.
Give me the courage to come and receive from you, Lord.
Replace these burdens with your rest.
Share with me your easy yoke
so that I can find rest for my soul.
Amen

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

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David Crowder Band - Sometimes

Sometimes every one of us fears
Like we’ll never be healed
Sometimes
Sometimes every one of us aches
Like we’ll never be saved
Sometimes

When we’ve given up
Let your healing come
When theres nothing left
Let your healing come
Til were risin up
Let your healin come
Where You go we will follow
Where You go we will follow

It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, Were lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, Were lost in You
Sometimes

Sometimes it’s like we never loved home
For all the love we know
Sometimes like in a smile of a song
When you feel it come
Then that feelings gone
It flies

When we’ve given up
Let your healing come
When theres nothing left
Let your healing come
Til were risin up
Let your healin come
Where You go we will follow
Where You go we will follow

It’s your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, Were lost in You
(3x)

Its your love we adore
Its like a sea without a shore
Don’t be afraid, Don’t be afraid

Just set your sail and risk the ocean
Show me grace
Let’s risk the ocean
Show me grace
Let’s risk the ocean
Show me grace
Let’s risk the ocean
Show me grace

Where you go we will follow
I’m on my knees
Where you go we will follow
Oh God send me
Where you go we will follow
I’m on my knees
Where you go we will follow
Oh God send me

It’s your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, Were lost in You
It’s your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, Were lost in You

Where you go we will follow

Where you go we will follow
I’m on my knees
Where you go we will follow
Oh God send me

Freedom to Dance Again

2011-04-12T09:26:00.008-04:00

After my 4th round of mercury detox, I am happy to report progress. Yesterday, I was able to rollerblade for an hour. Woo! Hoo! I was singing Hosanna by Paul Baloche all around the park. It is a site to see and (hear). I have some of my best worshipping experiences singing with the squirrels and butterflies. :)

The last few months have been so dark. I understand (by experience)King David's lament to God begging for Him not to take His Spirit from Him. At times I have felt so spiritually and emotionally dead inside. No life in these bones. God's Spirit has returned in a powerful way the last few days. I feel like I have been to the darkest place. Surrounded by dark, no light. It has been a little like a Job experience. A time of testing. Holding on to God with blind faith for dear life.

I don't understand "why" God has allowed me to go through such a dark experience. As I am writing this, I am thinking this is how people who don't know God's love may feel.

I felt hopeless, helpless, alone, in a dark room with no light.

No Joy. No Hope. No Life.

Depression enveloped me like a damp, cold, heavy blanket.

Just surviving day to day. Crying out to God for deliverance, but none came.

Now, I am feeling alive again. God's Spirit blowing through me. His light shining through me. This is my new song for this new season....

I will be clay in the potter's hand
I will be light in a darkened land
I will be love lit on fire
Holy Spirit, Burn on the inside

I will be color to the black and gray
I'll raise a banner up in Jesus' name
I will be love lit on fire
Holy Spirit, Burn on the inside
On the inside

Blessings,
Tammy

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So I prophesied as I had been commanded; and as I prophesied, suddenly there was a noise, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone. I looked, and there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them; but there was no breath in them.

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, mortal, and say to the breath: Thus says the Lord God: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe upon these slain, that they may live.”

I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived, and stood on their feet, a vast multitude....

"I will put my spirit within you, and you shall live, and I will place you on your own soil; then you shall know that I, the Lord, have spoken and will act,” says the Lord. Ezekiel 37:7-10, 14

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Inside-Jared Anderson lyrics

No eye has seen, No ear has heard
How the glory of God is gonna cover the world
It will silence the tongues of men
And give our children freedom to dance again
They will dance again

CHORUS:
I will be clay in the potter's hand
I will be light in a darkened land
I will be love lit on fire
Holy Spirit, Burn on the inside

I will be color to the black and gray
I'll raise a banner up in Jesus' name
I will be love lit on fire
Holy Spirit, Burn on the inside
On the inside

This old world keep falling apart
But Jesus is comin' to wherever you are
Breathing life on the desert floor
And resurrection on the faces of the poor
On the faces of the poor

REPEAT CHORUS

Can these dry, dusty, tired bones live?

2011-04-11T07:48:00.007-04:00

I have been crying out to God in desperation over the weekend as I finish round #4 of this heavy metal detox treatment. It has been a grueling, dark, dusty journey through the desert. When I saw this devotional it was so appropriate. How many times do we all come to a place of asking God, can these bones live? Desert experiences could describe places we come to in our marriage, a relationship, our health, our addiction, working our recovery. The desert is a place of dryness and death. Things can feel desperate. We feel like giving up. There is no water.....no life.

Last Friday, I was able to find hope in the desert. I felt well enough to go to a Spirit-filled church and dance before the Lord. I can't explain how joyful it was to be able to dance and sing and worship the Lord. It was like finding a stream of water in my desert. I noticed something that night. This desert experience is producing more freedom, hunger for God, and more boldness in me.

The people around me were not dancing like me, but I did not care. My Spirit wanted to dance! I did not regulate myself to fit in... I just let my Spirit be free in the face of what others around me were doing. I can feel God doing a new thing inside of me through this wilderness experience. Something deeper in my Spirit.

As the devotional states, I want to become all God has created me to be.... I can feel God's loving chisel doing its work.

Blessings,
Tammy

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The journey through the wilderness continues; notice the contours of the landscape God is leading you through. Do they match the contours of your life?

How have you been shaped by the forces of experience? Consider now how the love of God is part of that shaping experience.

The hand of the Lord came upon me, and he brought me out by the spirit of the Lord and set me down in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me all around them; there were very many lying in the valley, and they were very dry.

He said to me, "Mortal, can these bones live?" I answered, "O Lord God, you know."

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones, and say to them: O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord. Thus says the Lord God to these bones: I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live." Ezekiel 37:1-5

Dried up and dried out. There are times when we feel like we belong in this valley of bones from Ezekiel. On our journey through the wilderness, we’ve been parched, panicked and pooped. At times we’ve even asked, “Can these dry, dusty, tired bones continue?”

Michelangelo, the Italian sculptor and painter of the 15th century Renaissance, said “every block of stone has a statue inside of it.” If Michelangelo could take cold, hard stone and fashion such beauty, how much more can God create in us?

In Genesis chapter two, God forms the dust of the ground into newly molded nostrils and breathes the breath of life—ruach—into them.

God’s Breath, Wind, Spirit creates life where there is no life.

Taken from Journey through the Cross by Andy Watts and Amy Dodson-Watt

There is no way up a mountain except to .....climb it

2011-04-02T08:05:00.012-04:00

I just finished my third round of heavy metal chelation. I am experiencing what the devotional is speaking about below. This is an arduous process, and I never know how I will feel each day.

It is like this song says... There is no way up a mountain, except to climb it.

I have literally tried everything to try to regain my health. I know this is the only way. I don't want to do this, but I know it is the way. I tell my clients many times when they are beginning emotional and spiritual recovery, "The only way out of the pain is through.". It is also an arduous process.

They usually look at me with dazed and confused eyes.

Why do I have to re-live the pain? Why do I have to go back and feel? I am not sure exactly why, but it is how emotional healing works. A person who is shut down emotionally needs to go back and find themselves at the point they shut down and regain their "heart".

I am looking at God with the same dazed and confused look right now. Why do I have to go this way. Isn't there an easier, softer, way?

He gently looks at me with eyes of love and gently guides me to the mountain path. This week I feel like the Shepherd has been carrying me most of the way on this rocky path.

Every day is different. I have no control over how my mind and body will feel. The good news is that I am feeling better and my body feels stronger some days.

I am praying for His Strength to climb this mountain.....

Blessings,
Tammy

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From Sarah Young's Devotional Jesus Calling............

I AM CALLING YOU to a life of constant communication with Me. Basic training includes learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting on that cluttered plane of life. You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted. But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world.

Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all.

Talk with Me about every aspect of your day, including your feelings. Remember that your ultimate goal is not to control or fix everything around you; it is to keep communing with Me.

A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day. Do not let your to do list (written and mental) become an idol directing your life. Instead ask My Spirit to guide you moment by moment. He will keep you close to Me.

1 Thessalonians 5:17; Proverbs 3:6

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All I Need

All I need to do is worship
All I need to do is say His name out loud
All I need to do is lift my hands, surrender
And bow down
All I need to do is find Him
All I need to do is let His presence fall
All I need to do is worship
Worship the Lord

When there's no way out
Except through a miracle
When there's no way up a mountain
Except to climb it
When everything you hope for
Seems gone
And every dream you've dreamed
Is so far away, that's when I say….

Only You -Sunday Worship

2011-03-27T21:36:00.000-04:00

Here In Your Presence- Sunday Worship

2011-03-27T06:40:00.000-04:00